Wednesday, October 27, 2010

SO, that was embarassing...

What is your most embarrassing moment?  Think of it, if you don't have one that's great, but you should probably stop reading now because you can't relate.  I want to know who else has felt embarrassed For. Real.  Whether it was really a big deal or not... let's say you were jumping up and down a midst a victory dance for winning a ping pong game and you happened to shatter the lights that hung above you at your friend's neighbors house! Or.... you tripped and fell on campus and you know some distant friends of yours or even a cute girl/guy saw you and the coolness was just sucked out of you instantly.  You know that feeling, right?  Walking along, everything is good, you even feel great, one missed step or slip up on a mystery rock and your rhythm to your walk is disrupted.  You can either start to jog as Ellen Degeneres suggests and just play it off as cool as best you can.  Or, you get all the 'cool' sucked out of you and your neck feels hot and stomach feels empty and you stay that way for at least a few minutes... until logic sets in and you realize it's okay and keep telling yourself 'it's not that big of a deal' over and over again.
Well today I had a very awkward moment and was embarrassed because of it.  It was a situation that occurred with people I worked with but people I will most likely not have to ever see again in person.  That should resolve most of the awkwardness, right?  No, I still feel a little silly about it and if I think about it too long my neck could start feeling a little warm until I am snapped back into reality and realize 'it's not that big of a deal'.  Regardless of what the little issue was (can you tell I am not going to tell you what it was?) the comfort I felt when I came home and told Matt about it was nice.  I remember the very first white hair I found on my head.  It was tiny, and I had to really be looking for it to even find it, but the truth is that it existed, it was there.  And one day my boyfriend at the time found the very same white hair and he stopped, pointed, and laughed at me.  Can you believe it?  Not even a funny let's laugh together thing, but a plain old laugh at me.  Rude as can be.  It was then I realized that his own insecurities started to spew over to our relationship and that is when I started to pull away.
I came home to tell Matt my embarrassing moment and I thought about prefacing it with my usual 'can I tell you something, but you promise to not make fun of me?'  Guess what? I have never had to say this for real because Matt has NEVER made fun of me even a little.  He is completely open, and kind and accepting.  And he has seen a few white hairs on my head and never once even cracked a smile, because he is kind, and he loves me for me, regardless of my hair color, my quirks, and whatever else happens along the way. Even the embarrassing moments we can share, and laugh together. 
What even makes us feel embarrassed?  The possible judgments of other people?  I am pretty sure whatever embarrassing moment you have experienced yourself, just like my situation, you can hopefully find the humor in it without feeling bad about it...

Monday, October 25, 2010

Things I appreciate today...

1. Fall, fall weather, fall leaves, crisp air.

2. My husband and the things he says that cracks me up.  Most recent we were driving with our windows down and stopped at a stoplight and he breathed in deeply and said "fried food and fresh air, two of my favorite smells".

3. NOT being on call for work.  The joy I get in the evenings when I turn off my work cell phone. I feel relieved, and I feel freedom.  I am very grateful for my job and appreciate the fact that we happen to be very busy right now, but I love love love being at home and NOT working.

4.  Good, genuine conversations.  I gain greater connections with friends through these moments and I very much appreciate it.  Especially when so many things we all talk about all day long and how especially with co-workers it can be irritating or meaningless that is when I appreciate a good friendship and conversation even more.

5. Using a blanket. I am usually hot, and recently we have had the windows open and the fans blowing and that means the weather is perfect for cuddling up with a blanket is happening and I love it.

It really is the simple things in life that bring me joy, clearly.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Slumber party!!

We had my nephew over for his very first sleep over at our house last night.  We had such a great time!  Matt made delicious tacos, we watched Monster's Inc. and played with our dogs.  Kestan slept for 12 hours!  I think we wore him out. 
We were goofin around, Kestan had swishy pants on and I thought I should put some on too so we could dance around the living room and freak out our dogs.
Uncle Matt and K chillin. 
This little guy is so fun!! Let alone the fact that he is too freakin cute.  He is growing up and getting more independent and we LOVED having him over.  He said he had "so much fun" and I asked if he wanted to come back another night to spend the night and he said "Great!"

Sunday, October 17, 2010


What a big, wonderful change this beautiful family has gone through adding a new child to their family.  They are amazing and I wish them even more strength, wisdom and energy as their family evolves.  I am grateful to get to observe and be a part of their extended family as well.  Kestan is getting more comfortable with the idea of a little brother every hour, he is very helpful and is really showing his independence. 

Saturday, October 16, 2010


This past Wednesday my nephew Ashton was born! We were so happy to greet him at the hospital and to find out that he and his mom (my sister) are healthy and happy.  They stayed at the hospital for observation for three days and during that time my mom and I looked after my other nephew, Ashton's older brother, keeping him company, going on trips to the petting zoo, and spending the night at nana's house.

We welcomed Ashton with open arms and spent very precious quiet moments with him, he has proven to be a very chilled and easy going baby.  Even though things were very busy and fun, we all had a chance to slow down and just be.  And breathe, holding a tiny little soul that has just begun his journey and hope for the very best for him.  I am so grateful for the ability for our immediate family to all be present to greet him at the same time, what a nice family moment it was.
 Today my sister and her family transitioned home after their stay at the hospital.  I know it will be an adjustment for Kestan to go from only child to big brother but I know they will find their new 'normal' as a family and it will be great.

I loved the chance to observe (again) my mom in action as nana.  I truly understand the gift of having your mom around who also happens to be awesome, around when you become a mom (even though I am not a mom yet).  She was ready and willing to help for anything anytime.  She thought of fun activities, meals, snacks, and made sure there was time for rest for the new mom.  Becoming a mom is such a life changing event and to have your mom there to share in the tears of joy and change, must help give you that extra strength you need to continue the journey.

I am so very proud of my sister and brother-in-law for their strength and love, it is great to see their family evolve.  This past week are the kind of weeks that send you great reminders of what life is truly about; love and family and how important it is to stay present.

 Us ladies are definitely getting out numbered by all these boys.... but, so far, no complaints.  They have kept us very entertained.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Our tree!

 I am not prepared for it getting dark outside earlier just yet, but I am loving Fall and our bright tree makes me smile.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

House stuff

 I repainted the trim throughout our entire house (well, I still have the guest room and a few parts in the kitchen to finish) but overall it has made such a difference.  This is the gross trim (above) that used to be in the living room, and now the new and improved trim.....
 Totally makes a difference, I also painted our exterior doors a lovely 'apple a day red'.  Little things like that have made me enjoy our house even more.
So we have this chair, very comfy and the dogs must sense how great it is because they will sit and stare at us as if they are begging to get up on the chair with us and cuddle.  Now I am fully aware that this is not great 'training' for the dogs, but the dogs are not allowed on any of the beds, or on our nice couch, but every so often we give in on this one thing and let them cuddle on this chair.  Usually it is Ellie (our little dog) that wants to cuddle, but a few nights ago Jax was really needing some extra attention and Matt let him on the chair with him.  Jax is way bigger than he knows and takes up half the chair, but still too cute to resist a few minutes on the chair. 

Saturday, October 2, 2010

This is how we do it

Fall is upon us, people.  I let the dogs out this morning and stood outside feeling the very cool crisp air, and it smelled gooood out, fresh.  This weekend is supposed to be in the 60's and that sounds wonderful to me.  I am not ready for the cold air, but this, this feels nice.  We have a busy Fall with a lot of really fun things going on.  But I am just taking one fun thing on at a time and trying my best to fully be present.  Any day now we will be blessed with another nephew!
Yesterday I was feeling pretty stressed with work for a number of different reasons and I even got a head ache because of the worry.  It didn't last very long and soon that energy was turned into gratitude and I gave myself the opportunity to let the rest of that stress go.  I continue to find solace in the Four Agreements: don't make assumptions, don't take anything personally, be impeccable with your word and always do your best.  I still have to remind myself about the first two, but when you fully move through them you waste less energy, and my word is improving.  If I want authentic and genuine relationships in my life then I have to be that way outwardly as well, and I am appreciating that much more.  And finally, yesterday when my head was overwhelmed and all I wanted to do was sleep on a hammock, I realized I was doing the best I could at that moment.  Today I will do better because I feel better. 
Off to enjoy a nice lunch with the family out on the town.  Enjoy your weekend!