Sunday, July 26, 2009

My dream last night...

So my dream starts out standing in a room with people, I don't really see their faces or feel like I know anyone but there are people in the room with me. The t.v. is on and there is one wall of windows looking out to a city of some sort. What is happening on the t.v. is the same as what's happening out the window, does that make sense? So all of a sudden on the t.v. there is a huge ocean wave building and building and coming towards us, I look to the window and the same thing is happening and right when the first rush of water starts to break over the top of the window I turn to my right and run to the door. (My first thought is if the water touches me I will probably die instantly... I know this is a depressing thought, but I can't hold my breath very long and drowning is one of my biggest fears). But I am the first one out the door and I start to lead this group of people behind me. I find the stairs quickly and run up a floor it was like we were in an apartment building or something. I am nervous but not really scared at this point, I had a sense that we were going to be okay. We keep running and gather all the people up over the wave so when we suddenly come in contact with the water we are on top of it and sort of swimming in it. I am relieved we didn't drown but now we have to float and swim in this water and I begin to worry about what possible creatures are in the water (I still sometimes think there could be sharks in lakes... not scientifically or anything, just a thought that will occasionally cross my mind if I am ever in a lake). So we start to swim a little fast to where we are near more people and we all seem to feel safe... and then the dream ends. I looked up a few things on having dreams about water and it seems to be pretty common (I have had a few vivid dreams with water) I don't always look up dream meaning stuff and sometimes I think the unconscious is just molding random memories together and making a dream however sometimes I think there may be meaning behind them. I found this online:

"Water dreams also come in the form of waves which may represent emotional fluctuations. If you are currently experiencing a period of tranquility and peace, you may be dreaming about calm waters and gentle ocean waves. This dream suggests that you may be gathering energy and recharging emotionally. However, more commonly people dream of violent and dangerous tidal waves. Tidal waves or tsunamis suggest a period of emotional upheaval. Anxiety, stress, and unconscious materials may be coming to the surface and affecting your daily moods. Giant tidal waves may symbolize current emotional unhappiness and psychological stress, which are threatening to destroy you. The outcome of this dream may reveal how much strength you have to "ride out" personal storms. For example, surviving the tidal wave suggests that you have enough strength to overcome challenges..."

It felt nice reading this so I am going to attach this meaning to the dream I had last night. I know I have a big positive change coming in getting married and all the planning about it has taken up most of my brain space and there have been moments of stress but overall I keep sticking to our original vision of what we want that day to look like and who we want to surround ourselves with. This has been a learning experience for me in some days letting go of my ego a little and taking suggestions, and some days truly listening to my own voice and making the decisions for me and Matt and not anyone else. I had a conversation with a friend about not inviting another friend to the wedding. I know it would still be very fun if we were to have my entire extended family, and all of our friends even the ones we haven't talked to in a while or friends of friends... but we just can't and truthfully the more intimate guest list works for us. It has grown a little more than I thought it might, but it just reminds me that we are very blessed to have really great people in our lives.

And I have grown throughout this process and I know I will continue to. I will come out on top of the water and gain more strength in myself and my relationship with Matt. There is something to learn in having disagreements, challenges, or doing things that at first seem uncomfortable (like a phone call to a friend, or a disagreement with a family member) but you soon find out it's worth it, and it will turn out better than you thought it could.