reflection

i am trying to take advantage of the less then two weeks i have left regularly watching my nephew... i get very bored with the internet (i need to make more blogging friends because i do enjoy these) but i try to take a break from wedding planning, scheduling, phone calling, and just be.  during his naps this gives me a chance to actually sit, and write, and reflect on many things but right now i am writing my life story... some on paper, and some just in my head that i eventually hope will make it to paper, if for nothing else then to store it on my art desk in a beautifully organized mess. while doing this i have recalled many funny stories from my childhood (samples to come later i'm sure) and investigating my relationships with people.  i have found that no matter how good or bad things seem to be i feel really blessed when it comes to the people in my life and that life (my life) boils down to the quality of these relationships. and when something doesn't feel right, or my feelings get hurt, or i offend someone else i like to step back and figure out how or why that happened.  maybe i am sensitive in certain situations, but maybe some people don't take the time to think about what they say before they say it.  their comment could have nothing to do with me and all to do with their bad attitude, or confusion, or hurt.  i love going back to the four agreements (great, simple read, i recommend it) two of the four agreements are this; 1. don't take anything personally, and 2. don't make assumptions. 

it seems so simple yet so hard to practice on a regular basis.  as human beings we sometimes take things personally, we judge people, and feel judgement coming back at us, and we make assumptions about anything.

i am trying to practice these things daily.  if i get offended i question why a particular thing hurt me and more often times then not it must have something to do with me clinging to my ego and expecting things to turn out a certain way when they don't there is frustration.  but when i take a step back, breathe, and realize there is another person involved, and they must be dealing with their own list of things, i feel comforted by the fact that i don't have to waste any more brain power thinking about that situation.  i can not change anybody else, and i can only control what i do and how i react to things.

this is something i am trying to teach the girl i mentor. she is incredibly impulsive but can articulate the difference between "right and wrong" but falls short on achieving even short term goals.  these are new concepts to her and trying to practice it myself and teach her at the same time is tricky but it's an interesting process none the less. 

this is one of those posts that maybe no one is interested in, and that is okay.  i hope you are getting a chance to enjoy this weather, and reflect on your self from time to time.  also, wear sunscreen. bye.