so much to say

open up my head aaaannd let me innnn, little baybaayy! -dave matthews, anyone? i seriously feel like i have brilliant things to say almost all of the time until i sit to write a new blog post. mainly because i don't have pictures. i mean, who wants to just read words, right? get a book! but really, we have just finished our first week without cable. NO cable. when i was on the phone with time warner the lady seemed shocked at the idea of canceling ALL cable, i mean what about this package, or this one... nope, we're good, thanks lady. to be honest i have not missed it. the only times i miss it are when i want to turn on something ridiculous to have as background noise while i work (i work from home) and what good does that do? it makes me feel bad for people that feel forced to watch the actual trash that is on during the day, the judge shows, the springer shows, just crap in my opinion. i have found myself being on the computer more and have not chosen to read any more than usual. i have been able to accomplish some things i have been putting off like cleaning and organizing my art room, getting rid of gross cleaning chemicals under the sink, i mean cool stuff like that. so far netflix has been awesome. new reccommendation: the movie 'god grew tired of us' a documentary about refugees from sudan that get the chance to come to america, very interesting. and of course old office and scrubs episodes. we did not get rid of cable to stop watching shows, but i do find myself watching things more intentionally like to educate myself on something or open my eyes to a new way of living, etc. rather than watching anything to pass the time.
matt and i have enjoyed way more dinners at our kitchen table then in front of the t.v. together. if you already do this this may sound simple to you, and it is, but if you have the tendancy to eat in front of the t.v. together, i would say try not to one night and you will probably enjoy it. it's a little like that seinfeld episode when kramer freaks out about the idea of getting married and thinks that all couples do is sit around saying 'how was your day'... 'well how was your day'.. 'what kind of day was it?'. but it's a great time to check in and the conversations might get awesome, you never know.
we are having matt's nephew (mine too of course, but usually my friends think of kestan when i say that) over tomorrow and we plan to go to the zoo, the pool, and out for pizza, what's better than that? it's very cute because he is excited to get to spend his own time away from his siblings with his favorite aunt and uncle (i made up the favorite part, but i do think he thinks we're pretty cool which is nice). right now kestan's favorite people are nana and bupbup (grandma and grandpa) and if they are around i don't exist which i can handle because it so sweet to see them interact with him and his face just lights up when they are around.
i sit now in a quiet house when all the dogs are asleep, even my brother's wildly energetic dog that we are dogsitting for the weekend.. and i revel in the space, the peace, and the freedom to do whatever the heck we want. i know that someday sonner than later we will have a not so quiet house and more things we need to do as our family begins to grow and i will revel in that time just as i do today.
hey here's a really cool picture of a mountain, and then a beach, and then a monkey, what?! alright seriously no pictures, just words. that's all i've got for now. next post and or book chapter will be about my new clients. i still am amazed that in my line of work people invite us into their homes and openly discuss everything they'd like to change about their lives. very very interesting.
hope you have a good weekend!

Update: our garden

So we started with this...


Next thing we know that space is covered in green! And the squash quickly started to grow up our porch, sprouting flowers and what I assume are squash (I've never grown them before).


We have three more tomatoes growing.. and I say more because we used to have three huge ones that a damn squirrel took! These next three are getting covered with cayenne pepper in hopes of keeping critters away.



A baby cucumber sprouting!


A string of cucumbers! I planted way too many radishes and carrots in too small of a space. So because they didn't have enough room to grow, I decided to pull all of them up and give the cucumbers, tomatoes, and squash some real room to grow and hopefully plant a little wiser next year. I was just so excited that some thing was growing, I didn't really plan out the space as well as I could have.


Carrots are supposed to be a little bigger than radishes, right? :)

At least our fresh basil is going crazy and we have one cute green pepper growing too.

Weekend at the lake!

We happily accepted the offer our friend's gave us to stay at their parents' lake house. We grilled on the patio, rode jet ski's, kayaked around the cove, experienced nature, relaxed, played games, pretty much had a wonderful weekend with good friends. I LOVE just being outside and I also LOVE not having a schedule. At one point on Saturday after we drove around in a rhino (basically a fast off roadin' golf cart) it rained for a little bit and it was perfect time to watch a movie inside and take a nap. But right after the rain the sun was shining and we were back outside.



Saturday night we sat out on the porch, talked for hours, and played Scattergories and Taboo which turned out to be hilarious and so fun!














Hey handsome!!



Oh and I lost my favorite red pair of sunglasses, so I was wearing my white ones and they broke on the trip home. Now I am forced to wear my small black back up pair... I guess I could buy new ones at some point....

And so it goes...

Matt and I went to a ‘visitation’ tonight for one of the women I coach with, her dad passed away a few nights ago from a sudden heart attack, he was in relatively good shape and was only 49 years old. I heard the news from the head coach over the phone on Sunday and immediately was struck with how much pain she is probably feeling. But then thirty minutes or so after I had hung up the phone we are back to our normal Sunday. I said a prayer, I thought about her, her brother, and her mom. I felt at a loss of what to do next that could possibly help them in any way. A few days later I received the email about the visitation and quickly realized I have never been to a visitation, only funerals. I guess the point of the visitation is to give the guests the guaranteed opportunity to speak with the family at the funeral home and typically the casket is set up at the front of the room surrounded by flowers. I wonder if this gives any sort of relief for the family during the actual funeral… seeing how they have already talked to most everyone in attendance, now they can just be, whatever that may look like. Now thinking about a casket being set up and then actually seeing one is a far different story. I am a big believer in donating any parts to Science if you can, once someone passes, and then cremation. I have never believed in the Spirit so much until I had the blessing of holding my Grandma’s hand as she left this world. I knew that she was with us, and then she wasn’t, her Spirit was no longer attached to her body. And to continue to see her body without her Spirit didn’t feel right.
We walk into the funeral home, which I must say was a very beautiful cemetery, I could never imagine choosing to be there obviously, working there, or anything like that. But another beautiful Spirit was laid to rest here as well and I find it a warm place to be. We were greeted by a tall man in black, quickly escorted down the long long line of people waiting to speak to the family. We stood in line, swayed in silence, and overheard a few meaningless conversations about who banks where, what engineering firm is best, and the great fall of something called the big 12…. All good distractions from why we were really there. Throughout the guests walking in I said hello to two other coaches, a few parents and players too, we all found very little to say to one another but only today.
We all go through our own pain and hurt, this I know. But when you are in the midst of someone else’s nightmare, it silences everything else.
We make our way closer to the family and finally enter the room where a dvd is playing on a big screen, quietly showing pictures, and glimpses of this man’s life and the family he has created. His childhood, his awkward years, some great photos from college, then moving on to his wedding and his two children. Very regular, every day photos that made you think this could be almost anyone you know. This could have been your uncle, friend, co-worker, anyone. Just past this room you turn and can see the family. You see the wife you have never met but instantly empathize and just saw her once smiling face attached to the man that is now stuck ten feet behind her in a casket. And then I see the coach, my acquaintance that I’d rather just say is a friend, not because of this, but because I know we have grown closer this year than ever before and I have appreciated that connection. I see her as she shakes hands, hugs, and warmly greets the dozens of people down a line that seems to never end.
As we get closer Matt realizes I am about to lose it, and by ‘it’ I mean my tears, I am on the verge of gushing tears. Why? Because I hurt for this family and I feel like on any given day it could be any one of us and that terrifies me. So through my glossy eyes I look back at my husband and say “quick, make me laugh”. This may seem totally inappropriate to some of you, but to me, it was the perfect time to have my hilarious husband come up with something ridiculous to take my mind off my thoughts even just for a few seconds. I just wanted to make it to the parking lot until I started crying. I didn’t want to show this person who had been through hell that I was crying too. I feared that somehow I would add to her pain when all I wanted to do was to telepathically send her strength, and if I couldn’t do that for some reason then I at least wanted to act strong by not crying in front of her.
So Matt pulled out a great load of quotes from an Arrested Development episode, one of our favorite shows. And although it only last ten seconds, that relief of not crying felt like twenty minutes. I finally felt myself breath again and even though I was softly pinching my hand (to keep my mind off the pain around us, the casket, the flowers, the older women that were crying and shaking). Suddenly we were standing next to her mom, I don’t even want to pretend that I introduced myself properly and said something eloquent as she saw the tears swell up in my eyes and I looked through her very tired dry eyes as she nodded us past. Next to her was the woman I coach with and we hugged immediately, I said I was sorry, ‘sorry I tried to keep it together’, she quietly laughed and said ‘it’s okay to cry, I thought I would have stopped by now but I can’t.” She almost seemed relieved that I was tearing up and we hugged at least three more times, mostly by my forcing, if I don’t know how to help you, I am at the very least going to hug you more than twice, that’s my rule. We hurried to the exit as I had told Matt that is what I wanted to do after we spoke with the family. I didn’t know what else to do, if we stuck around there I would have cried more in front of strangers and I wasn’t sure what to do with that. I just felt like once we had ‘paid our respects’ it was better if we excused ourselves and thankfully I knew we had lovely plans waiting for us at home as my dad was planning on joining us for dinner. This thought made me feel sad (for those that can’t have those plans) and infinitely grateful for having my dad in my life and also living so closely.

What do we take from all of this? Probably a dozen things or nothing. But I hope it can look something like this; new found perspective for every single day you wake up and the sun is shining. Taking full advantage of every chance you get to spend time with your family and loved ones. Feeling grateful for everyone and everything in your life because it could always be worse. Not wasting time on the little things that don’t matter. Reminder to be more kind to yourself and those around you, because everyone is going through something. Find something in your life that brings you joy, or comfort, or love and cherish it, it may be the very same thing that helps you through the most difficult time of your life.

Memorial Day weekend

Obviously all weekends should be three days long instead of two, am I right? My husband and I had the best weekend we have had in a long time! We went running a few times, played tennis in the heat, and ate really good food. My garden is actually growing, can ya believe it?!

We made delicious chicken tacos with fresh lettace right from our front yard (tomatoes and basil too). I loved the idea of growing our own veggies and this lil' garden has been a fun start.

Matt and I also went to the Kaufman gardens and took lots of pictures of all the beautiful flowers.







We also went out to a great lunch and then spent an afternoon at a museum, it was a lovely day.


On top of all of our fun adventures, we had plenty of time to relax (watched 'young at heart' -very sweet, I reccommend you watch it), we had a house guest all weekend long...


My brother's dog Bodhi spent hours running and playing with our dogs, he is oh so tiny so we had to keep an eye on them playing but they wore each other out and had a great time.

LOVE these kinds of weekends, but they sure make it harder to go back to work.... hope you had a good weekend too!

Now what...

I am finished coaching softball for the year and it has freed up my afternoon and evenings a lot! You'd think I would be bloggin more? But instead I have been cooking more. We are shopping a little smarter and trying a few new dishes out that have so far been delicious. I have had more eggplant and mushrooms the past two weeks then I have my entire life. That will sound gross if you hate those two things, but if you don't, you know that it is actually really good. Our weekends are still filling up with plans, which is always fun but sometimes makes the days just fly by even faster then they normally do.

I sometimes think of all the funny things I could type on here, but then I think they won't turn out as funny as I'd hoped.

I do know that it has been raining all day long, and after being out all day long I definitely look forward to being cozily at home, and watching our favorite shows that all happen to be on the same night (30 rock -our most favorite, the office, community and parks and rec. just greatness). There have been some sad events that have happened to people I know recently and of course just more tragic stuff you see on the news, but after all that it makes a peaceful night of laughter even more appreciated.
It is worth it to try and be present, and kinder to yourself and the people around you.

Pizza pizza pizza!

Okay so, through an unpleasant allergy season and a visit or two to the doctor we both realized that it might be best if we avoid dairy for a while and just because we want to; change our diet to become more fresh and organic. Yes it is a little bit more expensive, but if you are smart about your purchases, it is totally worth it. I haven't missed dairy at all but Matt has and he has been craving pizza for about a week. We decided to run to our local Hy-Vee and buy honey wheat crust, pesto sauce mixed with a little tomato sauce, artichoke hearts, and goat's cheese... yes it may sound weird, but trust me, not only is it rich and delicious, but it is good for anyone who has had issues with dairy.




It turned out great!! We have another crust waiting to be baked in the fridge and I think next time we will add some sun dried tomatoes... and whatever else sounds yummy at the time. Just thought we would share.... thanks!