Comic Snob.

In case you are a "I read a blog every three to four months" kind of person.... I think it's time for a post.  At the end of most days I have little energy left and I usually just want to watch something funny.  I am always up for any episode of 30 Rock... but when I am too lazy to put that on and I flip through the few channels we actually have, I am reminded of how bad "comedy" shows are on t.v.  I love New Girl and that show just keeps getting better, besides that there is almost nothing I will watch, and most everything else just makes me angry.  So here goes my list, people.  You are obviously allowed to disagree with me, however I will stand by these lists for .... ever.

Top best comedy shows ever.

5. Summer Heights High
4. Scrubs
3. Strangers with Candy
2. Arrested Development
1. 30 Rock

Worst "comedy" shows ever.
5. How I Met Your Mother (this made the list because it had potential to be good, but the ridiculous amount of flashbacks, the laugh track and predictable jokes are bad)
4. 2 Broke Girls
3. Thin wife fat husband... this could contain so many shows.  Just not funny.
2. The Big Bang Theory (so cheesy, and Sheldon's voice.. oh my gaaawd)
1. Two and a Half Men (If you truly like this show... there is no way we can be friends)


Alright, that's it for now. Peace.

idiocracy...

sometimes I feel like we are living amongst the cavemen.  I am shocked at the way people treat each other. I am ashamed to be a part of a group that can be so awful.  I know there is goodness in this world and that is the main reason I continue to have faith.  But we are so judgmental of one another.  We compare what other people look like and have to what we look like and have.  Why?  Because we think that is how we are supposed to act.  It's all bull.  We are supposed to live as the smart and kind people we were meant to be.  We are supposed to love ourselves and live authentically. 

I am especially saddened by how we treat women and girls in this world and this country.  As women we need to stand up and as men you need to fully support the women you love.  Women and girls must speak their voice, and must know their power and potential and beauty. 

Now as a mother of a very smart very beautiful daughter I am more conscious of my actions than ever before.  I stopped plucking the grey hairs on my very dark brown head because one time she saw me doing this.  I realized that the reason I was doing this was not because I cared about the grey hairs, it was because I thought I should care about it.  We are taught to be ashamed of that, hide it, cover it up.  I wear mascara and chapstick (that counts as makeup?) a few times a week and that's it.  I hate high heels and would rather be barefoot.  I really don't care much about clothes and wear the same few things over and over again, I'm sure you've noticed.  But the fact is I just don't care about those things, now if you do, that is great.  Makeup and fashion are not bad things by themselves, it is how we use them that can be dangerous.  Are you teaching your daughter that you are not as pretty without makeup on?  Are you showing your niece that she gets praised more because of the clothes that she wears and not the pictures she draws?  Are you showing your sister that it's normal to compare yourself to other women?  Are you making it easier for you friend to put herself down with negative comments?  I have chosen to embrace the grey hairs, the wrinkles, and all the goodness and uniqueness that is me.  It is a process but it is something I am willing to work at every day.... I am going to live naturally and authentically me and I am not going to downplay me because someone else says I should.

Let us stop comparing.  Let us embrace who we are.  Let us be kind to one another.  And teach our children to do the same.

Can't keep my readers waiting...

... wait, do I still have readers?  I hope so.  But I apologize for not writing more.   Some days it sounds wonderful and other days it's the last thing I want to do.  Clearly, recently writing on this blog has not made my list of priorities.  I will tell you this, I still have a lot to share and it will happen all in good time.  In the meantime, stop by for sweet randomness and the glimpses into my book that will come to fruition in the near future.  When I say kick it..... you.... kick it.

'member that time....

Hey, you guys 'member that time when I said I would be writing here a lot more often?  Well... it's still gonna happen, so just be patient.  Good things are coming.  Stop by often and I do believe you will find something you enjoy.  Thank you.

Agree to disagree....

... but wait.  I can not sit silently by and watch you say such ignorant things.  I must speak my peace.  I am sure you do not think you are ignorant.  I am sure you think your beliefs are right, why else would you believe them?  I know in my soul that peace is the answer.  Love is the way.  And our creator (however you see it) made us for good.  And as much as we try to be different, we are the same.  We want to belong.  We want to feel love.  And I believe we want to be authentically ourselves.  It is so hard to see people pretend to be something they are not.  It is so sad to see people hate on others when they just do not understand or they have been given the appropriate insight and they chose to be blind.  I think it all comes down to fear.  What are you afraid of?
Afraid of different.
Afraid of questioning what you have.
Afraid of being yourself.
Afraid of calling a committed, loving relationship between same sex people a marriage?

I can not comprehend why different equals a threat to you?  Why can't different be beautiful?  Why can't different be normal?  It is so easy to cling to our egos and make our ideas or issues seem bigger than they are.  I know that if you feel similarly this will make sense to you and that is alright.  I think that if you want to continue to have tunnel vision, to feel comfort in your chaos, you will blow this off as hippie nonsense and that is okay too.  You may not even read this in the first place.  I hope that you will find strength to be yourself.  Every.  Day.  I hope that you will be brave and let down your walls, do not fear what you do not understand.  Different is good.  We learn from different.  And different really isn't all that different in the end.

Thanks for reading.

Girl's weekend...

...was great!  What does every mom deserve?  Time with your girls.  Talking.  Time to relax.  Sunshine.  Food that we don't have to make.  A few yummy drinks.  A house that we don't have to clean.  Lists that do not need to be made.  To float on a raft in the water.  Hummingbirds.  Hummus.  And a massage.  (the last three things I added just for me and the very last one just in my imagination).  I met some nice new people and caught up with one of my best friends.  We are all so busy.  And whether we have one child, two or three, you are busy.  You have a lot to think about ALL the time.  And this slower paced time by the water was SO appreciated.

I hope that we all stop to realize that some of the lists are not as important as they seem.  Face time with your fam is always more important than checking things off a list.  I hope that we all get (and give!) the appreciation we feel for the loved ones in our lives.  And I hope we can all take that time for ourselves (or with our friends) to refresh our spirits and give us more energy to take home to our family. 

It was my first time spending two nights away from my baby and when I got home, oh my goodness, I could not wait to see her!  All the extra hugs and kisses and smiles were Amazing.

It's time to write.

If you didn't have to work all day what is something you would want to do with your time?.... you could probably list several things, right?  One of the things I know I would do is write.  I love writing. I feel it is the easiest way for me to truly explain how I feel, to reflect and to connect with others by realizing we may have gone through something similar.  I plan on posting more here a lot more and hope that you will follow me along this writing journey.  I also plan to share with you my book that compiles most of my writings and artwork over the last 10 years.  I am a little nervous, excited and completely ready to take the next step to share my story.

The time is now.  I'd love to hear from you too.

He's not just a dog...

he is a part of the family.  If you have ever loved a dog, you know that these domesticated animals quickly take on an important role in your family as well as a permanent place in your heart.  You know that the dog hair, smell, muddy feet, barking, whining... all of these things can be annoying.  And you also know that the second you open your front door you will be greeted by these wildly excited creatures.  You know that they will always be there to bring you joy.  Their playful, energetic beings brings you comfort, a smile, support.  They get up on the furniture, they get in to the trash (even if it's just once), and they chew something up that is not a toy.  They will protect you. 

After several rough days, today Jake passed away.  Matt rescued Jake eleven years ago and he became the mascot of his house in college.  Everyone loved Jake.  He was the dog that you could keep off a leash and he would always stay by your side (of course he did run off chasing a cat once or twice).  He was the dog where you could leave a bowl full of food out and he would eat at his leisure all day long.  He hated the rain and would refuse to go outside if it meant his precious paws would get wet.  He would gently place his paw on your knee to remind you to pet him.  He would nudge your arm up with his snout to remind you to pet him more.  He eventually was adopted by Matt's mom and they became great friends. Such good friends in fact that Jake did not like sharing Becky's attention and would do his best to remind her that he was waiting by her side. Jake got spoiled rotten with Becky and he deserved every bit of extra food and love he got from her.  His favorite treat was cheeseburgers and he would not look twice at a treat that did not meet his high class palate.  Even when he packed on a few pounds he could still run in circles so fast and his whine became similar to a pig oink.  If you ever asked him "where's kitty?" you would get one loud, strong bark.  He was persistent, he was smart, he was a very sweet dog.  We will miss Jake very much. 

Jakester, Jakey, Jakey boy.... Thank you for bringing such love to our families.  Thank you for loving us.  You are a very sweet, good boy.  I pray that dog heaven is the same place as people heaven.

You guys, it's happening....

it actually feels like spring out.  Today was gorgeous.  Sunny all day, cool in the morning followed by a beautiful day.  Brynn has been waiting to get outside and open one of the three bottles of bubbles we have and today we got to do just that.  She ran around our front yard, played on the slide, swung in moma and dada's arms and blew bubbles.  We then took a nice long walk this evening (slightly cool breeze and the smell of cookouts everywhere around us) and ate a yummy dinner.  I am ready to plant some herbs and veggies.  I want to be outside most of the time.  Open windows.  Running around with our daughter.  Happiness.

Big girl.

Our baby is more like a toddler every day... I feel like I've said that before.  Seriously though, her feet look bigger, her body is longer, her vocabulary is expanding... and she had her first for real big girl sleep over at Nana's house over the weekend.  We had an early birthday party for me where we went out to a yummy dinner with great friends then had a game night (we have not hosted one of those in two years) at our place and it was just plain fun.  All parents, all having a chance to unwind, have fun, and play pictionary together.  I mean, what more could ya ask for?  Catching up with good friends that we don't get to see often enough was wonderful and a great reminder of what good people we have in our lives.  Our big girl had a fantastic night at her Nana's house and it was a huge relief on our part, no stress, knowing that not only was she well taken care of, she was having a good time and she was/is so comfortable at her Nana and Grandpa's house.  So grateful.

It goes by so fast

I just finished putting together our girl's first home movies that quickly took me through the most amazing 16 months of our lives.  From the overwhelming amounts of JOY, exhaustion and laughter.  Thank goodness for this brilliant, brave, wild, beautiful baby... who is looking more like a toddler every single day.

time with Jax.

 Most of the time during the day, I keep the dogs and Brynn divided by a baby gate.  Why?  Because it's just easier.  Ellie, the smaller dog is a wild, anxiety filled crazy thing that rarely stops moving and she could care less about what any of us are doing unless it involves giving her food.  Ellie surprisingly does well around Brynn as she has had a few opportunities to crawl over her paws and pat her tail, Ellie has stood there all bug-eyed staring at me waiting for the free moment to move away, but still she handles herself well.  Jaxon, the bigger, older and recently injured dog is the sweet one and the one that would sleep under Brynn's swing as she slept as a baby.  Jax is the one who always wants to be near us and will move (even with two torn ACL's) four feet just to get closer to watch us.  He is the one who, I feel loves us as much as we love him.  Jaxon has even jumped over the baby gate just to get closer to us and today I just let him stay near us.  I am still cautious of Jaxon's rogue back paws that could possibly scratch Brynn, and I want to make sure Brynn is gentle or careful while petting Jax too (and she is!)  Every time I say "be gentle" she so sweetly pets Jaxon's head or points to his ears when she wants to identify a few body parts.

 Brynn proudly announces she found Jaxon's feet!

 A random sock is found in the hallway and Brynn would love to put it on Jaxon, however he is not interested.

So she chooses to put the sock on herself.  These two are friends and it warms my heart to see them interact so sweetly.

Photo update

 This is the view from Brynn's window at about 5:05 p.m.  Love it.

 Eating snacks in our stroller at the zoo.. so fun.

 Until moma tries to take too many photos... not cool.

 The start to our search of the perfect christmas tree.

 She liked walking around the lot, but we went to another place to find the best tree (and deal).

 Ahhh, the fresh smell of pine and my handsome hubby setting up the tree before dinner...

 The next morning Brynnie getting to see the lights and pick out her favorite ornaments.

 So precious.

Love. Love. Love.

Recap...

...of the last thirty days.

Election day!  Oh my my, oh hey hey.... Obama won and we are thrilled.  It was an interesting night and Matt made sure I didn't celebrate too soon, but once we knew for sure there was a sigh of relief and continued hope for the future of our country and this world.

The 15th!  Our daughter had her first BIG FALL.  She was playing with my brother's little dog and got wrapped up in it's leash and... face planted into the concrete.  It was a very scary 30 minutes.  To see blood coming from your baby's mouth and nose for the first and hopefully last time ever.. it's intense.  A quick trip to the doctor confirmed that her teeth, gums, and nose were all okay and she just had scrapes and bruises to heal from... the swelling went down in 24 hours too.

Thanksgiving!  Seeing my baby girl so comfortable at nana's house is just awesome.  She explores, she runs around as if she owns the place, she grabs everything glass and loves opening and shutting all the cabinets she doesn't get to play with at home.  I love seeing Brynn and her two favorite boy cousins play together and interact so well.  We had ping pong, soccer, LEGOS galore, turkey for the first time (Brynn is not that interested), sweet potatoes, homemade warm delicious rolls, what the HECK else do you need, I ask?!

On to Dogs.  Our Jaxon has torn both his ACL's, he has been in pain, he has been uncomfortable and he has been a challenge for our household the past few months.  Some days I get so annoyed because he has never whined, jumped over gates or stunk to high heaven until recently.  But other moments I feel bad because he is obviously uncomfortable and I want nothing more than to help him.  I want him to dash outside and chase the neighbor's dogs rather than having to go outside on a leash.  Matt went to my brother's concert tonight and it was one of those moments that reminded me how happy I am to have Jaxon and Ellie in our family.  I love those stinky, sometimes obnoxious but always loving family pets.  Thank goodness for these sweet beings.

Halloween

This little chick helped us decorate our trunk for our very first trunk or treat.

 This cold, sad look only lasted about as long as it took to take this picture.  She did so great even though her moma kept adding a new layer of clothing to her every fifteen seconds.

 The most beautiful Princess Leia ever. 

Oh do I love every memory we are making as a family of three. 

12 days.

....till the election.  In 12 days we will find out who the next President of the United States is and a part of me does not want to get that involved and a part of me can not stop thinking about it.  I watched all the debates, I have seen plenty of news shows featuring the President and Romney, I have listened to any npr story talking about the race, and I have discussed it at home probably a little more than my husband would care to admit.  I am fully aware that no President has checked off everything on their to do list.  I would never want to be President.  I wonder why the Romney campaign did not want Brian Williams and the Rock Center crew to follow them behind the scenes for a few days, yet President Obama let them follow them as if it was nothing.  Open and honest, good and accepting, and plans for a better future for our country, us, and more importantly our children.

I hope that everyone gets out to vote.  Vote wisely, vote as if it matters.  Remember that no President could have made things so much better than where we are now because of the hole we started from.  Vote for tolerance, peace and women's health.  Vote for someone who knows how congress works and knows how to fight for the American people, how to work together with other countries and how to present a strong position for our country. 

Being a parent...

I've never clung to the word "Perfect".  I have no issues with doing what works (or doesn't work) for me, my family, friends, job, choices, you name it.  I have never been one to compare myself regularly to others.  I like "doing my own thing" or thang depending on what kind of mood I am in.  As a new parent I am in this amazing club of other parents forever.  A club where you can always ask for help if you need it.  You can (hopefully) be honest and know that someone else has gone through a similar situation so you are never alone in your experience.  A club that you can not fully understand until you are in it. 
As a new parent you will face a million new choices, what kind of food, diapers, sheets, clothing, toys, bottles will you give your baby.  Will you breastfeed, formula, when to start veggies, but not too many fruits as they are high in sugar, checking ingredients like you've never checked before.  Where will the baby sleep, how long will they sleep there, do they need a blanket?  Are we going to the park, do we need a sweater, what kind of germs are on that slide?  I know as humans we need some germs and it helps build our immune system.  I also know that wearing your shoes around your house all day drops little bits of disgustingness that I never want to see on a microscope.
I know that we try our best.  We can never do it all.  And as parents I think this is extra hard to comprehend.  When you first become a parent you can be so overwhelmed with the new experience, the exhausting moments and the heart warming days that trying to plan for what comes next is nearly impossible.
It is hard to watch when your baby gets a cold, an ear infection, even the sniffles for the first time.  But it happens.  I have let my germaphobe guard down a lot since becoming a mother.  However today, after having lunch in Lawrence with a good friend, I let my daughter walk a block or so on her own.  Every few feet she would stumble a little, let her hands touch the sidewalk and then she would regroup and continue to walk/run with both her arms straight up to the sky and her mouth wide open with pure joy bursting from her finger tips.  Every person that walked by smiled and took notice of her pride in walking all on her own like the big girl she is.  They did not notice her mother trying to kick things out of her path, and thankfully they did not hear the inner monologue her mom was having as she tried not to imagine the different ickiness that lay at her daughter's feet.  When we left I picked her up and did not let her put her fingers in her mouth which as a teething 13 month old that is exactly where you want your hands to be... I wiped her hands off with a wipe once we got to the car and on the drive home I wondered what I was irritated about.  I certainly wasn't irritated by the happiness this beautiful child has brought to me and anyone she meets.  I was irritated that I kept thinking about the possible germs she picked up from her fun walk and the fact that it was my fault for letting her do that.  That is one.... slightly skewed perspective but it is the honest one I was having at that moment.  As she got antsy in the car on the ride home I gave her several books and toys to play with... finally I let her have a water bottle to entertain herself with and it was the same one that was sitting on the restaurant table we had just ate, the one the waitress had just sprayed some substance to clean with and now in my mind, my daughter was now eating the remainder of that substance.  At this point I said in my head something I don't remember ever saying before "I am mad that I didn't do it perfectly".  And what does that mean exactly?  Never let her touch germs, never go out in public, never let anyone who has ever been sick be around her?  No, truly I'm not that far gone.... yet.  Perfectly means always coming up short, always feeling like I didn't do it right and that is no way I want to live.
I felt a big sigh of relief when that "perfect" word left my mouth.  I am doing the best I can.  I will continue to do a lot of things really well, and sometimes I will do things that just do not work out.  My husband and I will be the very best parents to our daughter, that I know for sure.  I will make the best food, sing and read to my daughter as much as possible.  Then again sometimes I will let my daughter watch some of the price is right and eat a graham cracker in the middle of the day.  I will show my daughter the alphabet, shapes and colors all day long.  Then again, sometimes I will end dinner with a dance off to a Beyonce song just to make her smile.  And some times I will let our daughter play in the grass and then not fully wash her hands before dinner.  Some times I will let our daughter destroy a roll of toilet paper in the hallway so I can go the bathroom for two seconds by myself.
Thank goodness we can all make these choices for ourselves and for our families.  And thank goodness none of us have to live up to perfect because it does not exist.  My days are made of love, and joy.... peace and beauty that I find in the wonderful, authentic moments spent with my family. 

Birthday boy!

 We started Matt's birthday by a family breakfast out to a delicious restaurant we had never been to before.  Matt got some bacon which made him smile and I had the best omelet with sliced apples, walnuts, chutney and goat cheese (my favorite kind o' cheese) and of course a side of potatoes.  Brynnie got her first sweet potato pancake and she loved it, Matt and I had a few bites and he described it perfectly "it tastes like christmas".  It was cool out in the morning when we were out so a warm, filling, flavorful family breakfast is just what we needed to start our day.  Brynn also colored on her first place mat and picked it up so quickly.

 I love Brynn's face in this one, she is full of great expressions.  And you know she was having a good time by how much she was "talking".  Also, this is proof that my germaphobic self is getting more relaxed by putting her food directly on a table at a restaurant (I wiped it off first of course).

As we were leaving the restaurant the sky was perfectly blue and the air crisp.  We quickly took a few photos and this just so happens to be one of my favorite photos ever taken.  Brynn's beautiful eyes matching the blue sky, her big smile, letting her moma and dada kiss her cheeks.

Despite my goofy expression on this one, I just loveee my girl's look.  She is just a beautiful child (inside and out) and I can't get enough of her!  Thank goodness for days like these!

One, what?! One!

 One year ago at about this time, we were at the hospital.  I am sure Matt had just given me an ice chip, I was taking turns squeezing his hand as he put a cool wash cloth on my neck.  Our midwife was probably rubbing my back and saying some sort of phrase with the word "strong" in it. They were both the very best labor team I could have asked for.  Through every deep breath and wave of contraction we grew closer to holding our child in our arms.  Some more breathing and pushing later, at 1:07 a.m. we got to meet our beautiful baby girl for the first time.

 She laid on my chest and we stared at each other for several minutes, quietly.  Well, she was quiet and I just kept looking at her, then Matt and saying "our baby, this is our baby".  I was beyond thrilled and just amazed that after all the waiting she was finally here. 

 Now we are blessed with this smiley, fast, wild, independent, strong and hilarious baby that is now becoming a toddler. 

 We are so blessed to have her in our lives.  Our family of three is full of love, more than I ever thought possible.  So Brynn, even though you may never read this; thank you.  Thank you for the joy you continue to give us.  I am grateful for the growth we have gained as a family.  And I am thrilled at all our now's and tomorrow's together.

Happy first birthday my gorgeous girl!

 This is Brynn and Lilli, future best friends.  No big deal.  We visited our great friends this past weekend because we love them and also because they just added a baby boy to their family. I had the pleasure of holding 2 week old Carter for a while and he slept the whole time, wiggled a little, and it was precious.

 Once my baby girl starts eating peanut butter we will pretty much be eating the same things.  This is Brynnie enjoying the heck out of her avocado.  Bath night = crazy dinner time.

 I love how she got it perfectly on one eyebrow but not the other.  If she is real tired at dinner, she takes that green hand and rubs it in her eye before we can stop her and it's just, well.... gross.  But honestly I LOVE that she gets to just go nuts on her food (that is a line of blueberry juice running down her tummy too) I mean, I guess I am a little jealous that we can't eat like this.

This was the first time that her lower half got all messy from dinner ... I guess I was too slow in cleaning her up.

Question; does anyone still read this blog?  I obviously have not kept up with it, but would be more inclined to if I felt like someone other than my amazing husband?!