Finish Each Other's Sandwiches

65 and sunny

2012-01-31T17:17:00.000-08:00

Hey ya'll. Brynn and I spontaneously went to the zoo this morning with my sister and her boys. And we met up with a friend and her two boys there for lunch too. It was so fun! It was Brynn's first trip to the zoo and so fun watching her see a new place for the first time. There were not a ton of animals out, but the weather was great and it was just nice to walk and be outside. We took the little train ride which was great and thankfully everyone got off except us before the big tunnel (it's dark and a lot of kids yell and I thought it might scare Brynn) but it was great. Brynn took two naps while there, ate lunch and just had a great time.

Then we got home just in time to play for an hour before joining my mom for a walk. The sun came out even more (it was kind of cloudy at the zoo) and we walked fast for over an hour. Good talking and another good workout. I bet we will sleep well tonight!

6 months!

2012-01-29T18:15:00.000-08:00

It's time for an update, ya'll. Who knew this parenting thing would be so, time consuming and tiring?! Probably every other parent out there, huh? Truly, it is the very best thing in the world and I just love being Brynn's mom and a parent with Matthew. And it is (at certain moments) the most tiring thing and the most rewarding (every minute of every day) thing ever.

Brynn is hitting new milestones every few days it seems. Friday night we spent about an hour laughing and hearing her "talk" as she tried with all of her might to imitate the sounds we were making. Today she rolled from her back to her tummy, it's real hard figuring out where the legs and both arms go, I mean seriously. Classic annoying question to get from someone who doesn't have a kid: "Is she sleeping through the night yet?" Ya know what, no. She isn't. This whole teething thing kind of threw us for a loop, made the first few months seem even more of a breeze than they already were. She does however have the very sweetest and most fun personality. I LOVE the new faces and noises she makes every day. I love when she gets so excited to see a toy she hasn't played with for a few days, or any time I get a book out ready to read. It's incredible watching her grow and learn and figure things out. She is scooting around on her tummy now and is so proud of herself when she stands firmly on the ground holding our fingers for support.

It's wild that in just a few short weeks Brynn will be 6 months old! 24 weeks ago right now we were in the thick of labor and things were starting to get more intense. Our midwife thought Brynn wouldn't make her arrival until later in the morning and definitely sometime tomorrow. Hearing those words I felt a little panic for the first and only time during our labor (thankfully). I wasn't sure if I could keep doing what I was doing for another 12 hours. Fortunately, Brynn was just as excited to meet us as we were to meet her and she greeted us just after midnight at 1:07 a.m. Oh, I could write forever about the bliss that followed but I will just say this, I think about those moments every Monday now and it puts a smile on my face every week.

I have the best daily reminder to be present and enjoy each day. I feel better sleep is in our near future and am so very thankful for our daughter.

Horses horses horses....

2011-12-05T14:37:00.000-08:00

Do you know that part in Sleepless in Seattle when Meg Ryan is singing along to the christmas song on the radio? Well, either way she just repeats the song as it echos 'horses horses horses....'. Moving on, life continues to be great and I will forever be grateful. Our daughter (still fun saying that) is incredible and she is growing so much! She is full of smiles, seriously all the time, even when she gets upset you can guarantee that a few seconds later she will shoot you a quick smile (it helps especially if you are feeling tired).
We have our fresh real tree up in the living room, lights and ornaments will go up tonight. The house smells like pine and the Carpenters and Amy Grant christmas cds have already been played a time or two. I am only on the computer for a few minutes a day (if that) these days so I have not been writing on this thing much.
I plan to update with holiday photos soon, but until then.. hope everyone is having a great start to the winter and getting a chance to spend some quality time with your loved ones!

If you don't like mushy stuff, stop reading now.

2011-10-13T16:43:00.000-07:00

This post is all about how freakin happy we are. Well, I am. I know my husband is too and the more smiles I get out of Brynn I can tell how happy she is too, but I will just speak for myself. I am over-joyed. We are getting used to the lack of sleep and even though I have to down my turkey sandwich at lunch quicker than we used to at a school lunch (if Brynn is seeking my attention at that time) and I can still only get one or two things "accomplished" on my to do list for one day, I am just thrilled to be Brynn's mom and to have Matt as her dad.

We celebrated my mom's birthday last night and made delicious home made pizzas. Along with my two nephews there is a lot of baby to toddler energy and the house is just filled with love. It is fun to see my family members revel in Brynn's beauty and joyful spirit. She is starting to show more of her personality and it's wonderful. Brynn is a content baby overall, unless of course she is hungry (she gets that from me).

Matt and I will be celebrating our two year anniversary on Monday and I just get this goofy smile on my face every time I think about the past two years, especially the past year. The goofy smile then transitions to an overall feeling of goodness.

A few of my good friends have either just had a baby in the past few months or are pregnant now and I just love sharing stories with them about similar and new experiences.

That is enough mushy stuff for one post, right? The next post will be all about rocks and dirt and stuff that doesn't make anyone smile. Actually, probably not....

6 weeks, what?!

2011-09-27T19:38:00.000-07:00

Our little girl just turned 6 weeks old and it is crazy. Crazy good, but still crazy. She is barely 8lbs but we can definitely tell how big she is getting and how much she has changed since we first met her. It is still so weird to me that she grew inside of me for so many months and all the anticipation of waiting to see her, meet her, and get to know her. She has started smiling and holds eye contact better and better every day. She has started "talking" and I loveeee it. I can already tell that at each new phase there will be great excitement and a little heartache at realizing how fast time really does fly and how quickly our child will be growing closer to independence. That is the point though right? To raise them with love and try to fill their memories with smarts and as many sweet moments as possible and then to let them go do their thing.

Matt took this photo of me at 2:00 a.m. about an hour after Brynn joined us and I was calling my mom to tell her the good news. I can vividly remember the i.v. in one arm (which was only used to give me an anti-nausea medicine towards the end of labor after I threw up twice) and that damn blood pressure thing on my right arm and was so relieved when I had full use of my arms back.

And then to have this little girl in our arms it was just so surreal to me. I am amazed at how we have grown in to our family and even in the hard moments where we haven't slept much, we still figure it out. We make the best choices for our family and always strive to do better.

The first time I drove alone with Brynn in the back seat I was nervous. Now I still get a little stressed if she starts crying and I can't soothe her right away but I know she will be okay. Today we were about five minutes from home when she started to bug out. At each stop light I reached back to try and give her the pacifier and talk to her, touch her face and let her hold my finger. She actually seemed to calm down when she got to squeeze my finger and I sang to her... so I did that until we got home and laughed at myself all the way home. I will look like an idiot and strain my back and arm any day if it helps calm my sweet little girl.

Now I get to see this precious sight down the hall in my very own home. I love that we can start our own family traditions and as excited as I am for the future I am trying to be very present with each new stage or event (even her first blow out of the diapers was gross but still her first! :)

This is my view most days... how sweet is that?! Most of the time Brynn falls asleep pretty easily but about once a day she fights sleep and then finally passes out. I love when she is just out, she looks so comfy and cozy. I am just so thrilled to be Brynn's mom and look forward to each new day (especially after I get a few hours of sleep).

Baby life...

2011-09-03T20:17:00.000-07:00

We have welcomed an amazing little girl into our lives and she has been with us for almost three weeks! Sleeping two to four hours in a row is a big adjustment, but totally worth it. This child is beautiful beyond belief, sweet as can be, makes the funniest facial expressions and the cutest squeaky noises kind of like a bird/goose. We get to see her be more alert and awake every day and love all the cuddle time we get with her.

Being a mom to my little girl is more than I could have ever imagined. I am so grateful.

Photo update

2011-08-13T20:51:00.000-07:00

We went to Powell Gardens today and had a nice time enjoying nature and taking pictures. I got lots of walking in too which I am trying to do every day from now until baby's delivery. Everything else is going well. I have one more week of work until I start my maternity leave and that is oh so nice. We went grocery shopping tonight and I just love having such good food in the house. I have loved my breakfast meals the most and tonight we had brinner (breakfast for dinner) a delicious omelet with fresh basil, onions, hashbrowns. So good!

Feeling good

2011-07-26T13:47:00.000-07:00

Hey ya'll. We had our baby shower a week ago and it was oh so lovely. We are feeling very blessed and excited by all the extra support we have around us. We got some great things for our little one to get to use when she joins us and she is set on the cutest clothes and hats! Oh the hats....

The pink and black one were given to us by my mother-in-law. I gave Matt the "I heart daddy" one because it was too cute to pass up. And the other four were made by a friend of mine and one of my mom's friends.
Our little one's bedroom has been put together nicely and most everything is in it's proper place just waiting to be used.

We got this cute wall hanging from my aunt and cousins, it made a sweet addition to her room.

I made this metal wall hanging a few nights ago and borrowed the phrase "Hope, Grow and Love" from one of my new favorite pregnancy t-shirts. We are almost finished with her birthing class and already feel more prepared for labor and delivery. I have a few more weeks of work and many more nights of dreaming about meeting this little one!

There's a baby in there...

2011-07-11T20:39:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago we went to visit our friends Dale and Jamee and we explained to their little girl Lili that there is a baby inside my belly. Now if I make a funny noise because of a new cramp or elbow to my belly button we will say "there's a baby in there". Pretty cute, really. We were walking to our car after leaving the grocery store a few nights ago and this nice couple walked past us, looked at my belly and then said "Congratulations!" I quickly said thank you and smiled the rest of the way to the car. We went bowling a few nights ago and it was funny to hold a ten pound bowling ball next to my baby belly.

Things are starting to get busy around here and although everything is going well it is still nice to take a few moments to stop and breathe. To just stare at my stomach and watch parts of my belly raise and lower because of an active little one moving around.

We went swimming for the first time this summer! I can't believe we have waited this long, but oh did that cool pool feel nice after the temperature in my car on the way over read 108! Stay cool, ya'll.

The three of us

2011-07-02T21:05:00.000-07:00

We spent a few hours at the very place we took our wedding day photos to take our maternity photos. We then went to a nearby park to get some more beautiful outdoor shots. I love having these photos. And after a very busy week it was nice to just spend time standing next to my very cute, very sweet husband.

It was a little toasty outside taking these photos, but totally worth the sweat of course.

LOVE this guy.

I just have to say...

2011-06-30T08:28:00.000-07:00

Isn't it interesting when you talk to someone who always has something negative to say? They always pick out the one thing that isn't working out for them or that everything would be great if it weren't for that one thing? I find this irritating and confusing and I hope I never do it (I'm not saying I've never done it, but I hope I don't any more...) All you can think about is getting pregnant and now that you are, you are so quick to complain about it? You are dying to go on vacation and once you are there, you don't think the weather is nice enough? You are so busy with work and the one day you are not as busy you feel bored?

Don't worry this post won't last long, I just have to say how important it is to be grateful for where you are at and to be able to acknowledge all the good in your life. I know nothing and no one is perfect but now that we know that, let's move on! Let's not expect everything to always work out no matter what. Let's not expect everything to be perfect therefore you are less likely to be disappointed.

I just think we need to spend more time being grateful. Finding the good in every day. Finding the good in the people we come in contact with. And this is a good reminder to us all and to myself. We took some photos of Matt and I and my baby bump and it was so fun to just revel in my pregnancy a little bit more. Yes it's hot out and yes I am moving slower than I ever have but it's for a bigger purpose and I am grateful for the time to slow down. I wish a better perspective and a little more gratitude for us all.

Tales of a pregnant lady...

2011-06-27T18:51:00.000-07:00

I thought about renaming our blog to "Tales of a pregnant lady" at least until baby is here. Too much? Alright, fine, I won't. Even so, this journey of pregnancy and becoming a mother has been really amazing. I love every little kick or punch or knee gouge I feel from this little one because it is the best reminder to just stop and be. To just feel this little one explore her neighborhood (more or less) for now and I love it. Even in the middle of the night when I move to my side and she doesn't seem to like it all that much so I move again, I still love it. Because I know that this little one will be here in my arms and not in my belly (I know she's not really in my belly, but I am around kids a lot and that is what I say so deal with it). Some days I feel like there is still a lot to be done before our little one arrives. Some days I feel like I could go right back to bed after I eat my first breakfast (usually cereal and then an hour later I eat a muffin and a banana -delicious). There are moments during the day I get irritated by the tiniest things that mean nothing - dirty dishes in the sink, the lawn needing to be mowed, or dust on the ceiling fans. Other times I have a burst of energy where I clean almost every room in our house and it feels great. And today I called Matt after I walked upstairs holding a laundry basket and I was out of breath! All of these moments are small and add to this journey because the rest of the time I feel grateful. So grateful that this little one chose us to be her parents. So excited to hold her and kiss her face. So scared to be a protective mom, but confident that Matthew will help keep me sane. So unsure of whether I will have to work or want to work or trying to figure out all the finances that go along with being a parent. I am so grateful.

Tips from a pregnant lady:
DON'T be rude to a pregnant lady, it's just mean and you don't want to add any extra stress because you can rest assured she has enough to worry about.
DO tell a pregnant lady she looks cute. You will make her day. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing and sometimes in our society we forget that. IF you don't think she looks cute, then keep your mouth shut. DON'T feel the need to tell her she has put on too much weight or not enough. DON'T act like you know more about what is going on with her body than she does.

Good weekend!

2011-06-14T13:23:00.000-07:00

What a nice weekend we had! Friday night my good friend Alisa was in town with her husband Ryan and son Owen. We visited them this past February and it was so fun to get to see them again in such a short amount of time! We hung out at our house and then went out to dinner once Matt got home from work.

We then drove only two hours away to see our friend Dale and Jamee and they are now living closer to us (they used to live four hours away). We saw their nice new house, sat out on the porch during a lovely cool evening and hung out with their daughter Lilli. We told Lilli I have a baby in my belly and she would stop her playing randomly, point to my stomach and then say softly "baby in there".

Dale and Lilli playing "airplane!"

It was a great weekend seeing good friends.

I have started prenatal yoga and plan to go as much as I can over the next three weeks!

Well, that was nice...

2011-06-06T09:07:00.000-07:00

I was at Target a few days ago with my hair in a pony tail (I don't tempt the humidity or heat with doing my hair on these hot summer days) and workout clothes (shorts and a t-shirt) and I noticed this woman probably in her early fourties walking with her young child near me. I could feel her staring at me but just walked past her, before I made it too far away she quickly said "You look so cute!" I kind of let out a surprised laugh and then said "Well, thank you!" I shared this with my husband and a good girlfriend who had her son a few months ago.. we all decided it was definitely the best thing you can say to a woman who is 7 months pregnant. It is still very surprising the rude things people tend to say (whether they mean well or not) but when someone goes out of her way just to say something sweet. Well, that was nice!

I think we need to feel free to say more nice things to one another, especially if you can tell someone is not having a good day, or if you happen to notice they are carrying a child. I now see pregnant ladies everywhere I go and sometimes will smile at them recognizing that they may smile back acknowledging the club we are now apart of together, or they might just look at me like a crazy lady. Either way, it's the small things that help make ya feel good on hot, tiring days.

What the what...(some light reading)

2011-06-01T18:31:00.000-07:00

So my full time job is kind of in limbo at the moment, our program has it's funding until September and with any luck we will get "renewed" for the next three years however that is not looking great. One of our sister programs has already been completely cut and ends in July. 22 employees in another program were let go last week Needless to say I am not feeling that secure at my current position, and more than anything I am focused on how we can best provide for our daughter that will join our lives in September with or without this job I have now. Yesterday I went to a big event called "Get Motivated", the billboards advertise the many faces that may appear when they tour your city including; Colin Powell, Rudy Giuliani, Laura Bush, John Walsh, Joe Montana, Steve Forbes, and Bill Cosby (a few others but I don't feel like looking up their names as I forgot, but just think rich old white guy and you're set). The arena was packed full of business people likely seeking a free training opportunity as myself and a few co-workers were. The original price of these tickets was $235. For real. Thankfully they rethought that ridiculous idea and gave a ton of free tickets away, and apparently charged $2 bucks for the rest of them. I think they realized it was more important to have butts in the seat rather than hold out until some goofball actually paid over two hundred dollars to go to this weird, weird event.

An old white guy started the day sharing stories of his success and different ways he has made money in the business world. Next confetti covered the stage as Rudy Giuliani greeted us all and strategically dodged the confetti pieces from letting them cover his mouth. His first comment was how the confetti reminded him of his dark days in New York with the endless amounts of snow and how he was blamed for the snow. Next Laura Bush posed behind her podium as she updated us all on her family and their whereabouts. Mrs. Bush then went straight to recounting some of her memories from 9/11 and then right to the end of her husband's presidency. She said she got frustrated by the "cowboy caricature" her husband was made out to be. And discussed a few of the countries she was happy she had the chance to visit. A few questions ran through my mind while she was on stage... 1. Why is she speaking at a "Get Motivated" event? 2. Why is 9/11 the only thing she felt was worth mentioning throughout her husband's 8 year run as president? Truly between Rudy and Laura I haven't heard the words 9/11 so much. 3. Why does she say Uganda like "U-Gan (as in Can)- duh". And finally, 4. There was no other female presenter they could find for this event? I mean really. She was the only woman out of the ten speakers and she wasn't even speaking on her own legacy but her husband's.
About an hour and a half later streamers fall from the sky and they start blasting the song "Livin in America" as Colin Powell takes the stage. I felt like I was in a very cheesy and kinda creepy convention from the movie Yes Man. Mr. Powell gave a great speech and seemed like a much more welcoming leader and representative of America compared to the first three presenters.
After spending $9.25 on two tiny bottles of water and a decent muffin, a very weird guy came up on the stage. He was over the top preachy and opinionated, so much so that you could tell he loved offending half the crowd. He was a perfect mixture of Dana Carvey's the Church lady because he said "you know where those temptations come from? .... SATAN!" (I swear he said that). And Dane Cook because he would crawl and bounce around the stage like a dang monkey. He even kicked off one of the mum plants to prove a point of wildness. Also he said things like "dig this" and "this is really major" I even heard him address us all as "homes". Next he was a sleazy car salesman because he real goal was to have us buy a ticket to a three day opportunity to learn how to "find our purpose" and "buy property". What if we had no desire to buy property you ask? He didn't care. In fact, you are an idiot if you don't want to buy property!

It was kind of interesting seeing all of these people in person, even Mr. Cosby who looked old and fragile but still had his pudding face eye rolling charm as you'd hope. Colin Powell had much more personality then we have ever seen on t.v. (I guess that makes sense considering his role in the U.S. government). Did I leave with any new information or extra motivation which I am guessing was the point of the training? No. Did I entertain myself by observing and taking in the weirdness of it all. Clearly.

Good day

2011-05-26T13:22:00.000-07:00

The weather the past few days has been crazy and it is so hard seeing the devastation of towns nearby that were hard hit by tornadoes. Yesterday the sirens went off in our neighborhood for about an hour and I found myself sitting in the basement keeping the dogs from running back up the stairs to check out what was going on outside. A nearby neighbor's house caught a small fire on the front room of their house and three fire trucks were in our street trying to resolve that issue, we also lost power. Needless to say my stomach hurt a little bit after that long day of stressful weather but obviously we are very thankful to see the sun today.

The sky is blue and it's 68 degrees out right now. I was home and just started to make myself some lunch when Matthew called me and invited me to lunch with him. It was such a pleasant surprise. Usually Matt is too busy during the day to take much of a lunch and he has invited me in the past right after I already ate. Today it worked out perfectly. I put everything back in the fridge to save for later and drove to Matt's work and picked him up. We went down town to a lovely gourmet pizza joint we had never been to and got to sit outside with their huge restaurant wall up, feeling the cool breeze through out our entire meal. We got a very flavorful, healthy pizza and then the most delicious tiramisu we had ever ate. Eatened? Ate. Who knows, the point is... this was a good day.

The baby's room...

2011-05-23T20:54:00.000-07:00

Look at that handsome daddy-to-be getting the crib all ready to go. Matt has been on house project mode and I can't thank him enough for all of his hard work and dedication at improving our house as best we can for our little one.

Jax is not thrilled to be kicked out of the only room in the house with carpet. But don't worry, he has a big fluffy bed to lay on, and I know he is going to be a great friend to our girl.

This is the almost finished product! I am going to add beautiful big red window shades that will add another pop of color and darkness for those bright afternoon naps, also I can just push them to the side and let the sun shine in. The 5 animal painted canvas' are courtesy of my mom, the art teacher.

These two are my favorite... our dogs, of course! They sure are cute!

I LOVE this corner of the room. Our lovely rocker, that my mom and Steve got for us and the start to our baby's book collection. We have some books from when we were kids, plus the new books my softball girls gave us.

Also a beautiful knitted hat for our girl to wear during her first winter. The purple hat (in the box on the right) has white clouds on it and my brother-in-law's mom made it!

Also, I stayed up till midnight on Friday baking peanut butter cookies and white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. Woah are they good. Turns out it's dangerous having that many cookies near a pregnant lady.

I feel a big sigh of relief now that we have our girl's room looking more and more like her room. The to do list is still around and every week if not every day we have something new to take care of, but I will say through it all (even the days I don't feel so great) we are just. so. excited! Last night little girl was moving and grooving so much it woke me up. It is amazing to be able to feel her move so much, I know she will be an active little one for sure. Thanks for stopping by my blog!

10 things that make me happy today

2011-04-29T09:38:00.000-07:00

10. Our dog Jaxon, that guy is ALWAYS up for playing and I think it is very cute. He could just be waking up, exhausted from a walk, or just chillin and if you go at him like you want to play, he shoots up and immediately finds a toy we can play with. So cute.

9. SUNSHINE. We had a perfectly sunny, big puffy clouds kind of day yesterday and the next week is supposed to be about the same 70 degree weather.

8. Feeling healthy. At the end of the day I usually need to ice my neck because it gets sore throughout the day but overall I have felt physically great during this pregnancy and I pray that continues...

7. Peanut butter toast and barbeque chips. Still one of my favorite things to eat, and I do every day.

6. Hugs. How fluffy does that sound? I don't care. I love coming home and look forward to the hugs I get from my husband and our dogs. Yes, I hug our dogs.

5. The Office. We have netflix and if nothing is on t.v. (which usually nothing is) then I turn on netflix and go to the trusty old episodes of The Office.

4. Tina Fey. I love her, duh. But she is hosting SNL on May 7th and I just saw the preview where she is behind a wind machine and said she is going to show how "hot pregnant women can be" or something along those lines... as she raises her shirt to show you part of her maternity pants that she has on (because she actually is pregnant). I find her humor very refreshing and oddly close to what I find most funny.

3. My nephew Ashton! Of course I could list all of my family members on this list, but seriously this kid is so full of smiles I just can't get enough of seeing his little chubby ADORABLE face. Every time you make eye contact with him he smiles! And his smile will brighten any kind of day.

2. Working from home. I usually stay in my pj's or workout clothes until I have a meeting or am forced out on an errand and since becoming pregnant I have appreciated this comfort more than ever.

1. The farmer's market. One near our house just opened up last Saturday and I bought fresh lettuce and basil and although I still need to plant them in a pot, we have already enjoyed using them in a few dinners. So good!

Girl stuff!

2011-04-17T18:37:00.000-07:00

Check out all these girlie clothes! I've heard that many new moms will buy their child a special outfit (or at least something "girl" or "boy") once they find out the gender. Last Wednesday we found out we are having a girl! Wednesday night my mom and sister went to a consignment sale for baby stuff and hit the jackpot of affordable clothes. I then went home with a bag full of girl clothes (not to mention some pants and two dresses for me).
Today I went out to lunch with my good friend Ashleigh and we went to two cute baby stores. I decided it was time I buy something for our girl, and I love the new stuff we have! I bought those two little new born hats, aren't they adorable?! I bought the two yellow onesies and two long sleeve striped shirts. And the other outfits are just an example of the big bag of goodies my mom found at the consignment shop. And the head band is from my friend Alisa! Our nursery is not even close to being ready, but I know it will be great to get a new dresser for her, and then to start filling it with all of these cute clothes!

It's official!

2011-04-10T08:03:00.000-07:00

We are pregnant! If you are any kind of family member or friend of ours you already know this, and if you happen to see the good news proudly stated on facebook then you know this as well. But I don't think I have officially blogged about being pregnant, and not that I need to get it out there in blog world to make it real, but it is definitely the biggest thing happening in our lives right now and it's worth mentioning.

This past Wednesday we found out that we are having a baby girl and we could not be more excited! Seeing her kick and move, and punch, and snuggle her arm next to her face live was... definitely the most amazing thing we have ever seen. Hearing her heartbeat will remain one of the best sounds ever. And every single day has become a new wonder in her growth or my belly appearing more pregnant. With the second trimester I have had more energy and am finally getting to some of the housework I have been meaning to for a while now, and that feels good. Matt and I are both still shocked when I am the one who says "slow down" while on a walk with our dogs and then when we come home and I have to sit down for a while before thinking of doing something else... then I remind myself a human is being created inside of me at this moment and she needs a lot of my energy, not to mention my brain power. I have had several slip ups while talking where my brain and mouth have somehow moved miles apart and really have trouble hearing one another. Matt has done a great job of staying on his toes, handling my weird moments and interpreting almost every thing I say.

Things that used to bother me a little have amplified. I love our dogs very much, but with all of this rain they come in the house with mud caked on their paws. One of us sweeps the hard wood floors up, and about twenty minutes later while walking barefoot in the house I step on pieces of dirt. I look at Jaxon who is the best at getting mud clumps in between his toes, he likes to save those pieces for later, for after we have cleaned the house several times, he makes himself comfy on the rug with a path of newly dropped mud chunks behind him.

I am getting more of an appetite than I have had since before we got pregnant. I cleared out all of our winter clothes, or items of clothing I know I won't be wearing for a while and now feel good when I look in the dresser drawers and find only tops that fit me now or that I will grow into.

I have felt our little girl move around, or kick or punch, not exactly sure what she is doing but I know I have felt flutters unlike anything I have ever felt before. It almost feels like I swallowed a tiny butterfly.

My mom bought us some little girl outfits ranging from newborn to 12 months and it is so wild to try and picture our little girl and that she will be wearing those clothes in just a few short months! Until we get to hold her, meet her and see her beautiful self we will revel in the continuing changes that we will go through on this crazy awesome journey.

Update!

2011-03-27T08:13:00.000-07:00

What up! All of my other days are far greater than that last post, but those days happen too and make me even more grateful for the days I wake up feeling goooood!

Let's go back to my birthday dinner that Matt made for me... He grilled these huge mushrooms after letting them soak up some flavors for a bit. Grilled bread, mashed potatoes and asparagus. I mean, what!? He would not let me even enter the kitchen until he was done creating, it was pretty cute and very tasty.

And then for my weekend birthday celebration we had some great friends over. Even Dale and Jamee came to town for the occasion. It was great seeing everyone and we had a blast... despite what this picture shows: (the boys took over the living room at one point and got really into a video game, I thought it was funny to see Jamee smashed between the guys on the couch. Matt looks very intense while playing too. We didn't let this go on for too long before we had the boy's join us back in reality... still fun though).

This weekend I went to two baby showers. It is fun to have such a big handful of friends who either just had a baby, or will have a baby in the upcoming months. I thought this cake was so cute.

My friend Kathleen is having a baby boy in May and I loved the brown and teal colors that were picked for her shower. So cute!

Here is a picture of us girls at Kathleen's shower, three of the five ladies are preggers (Kathleen on the far left, Lisa in the blue dress and me!)

Not a great day....

2011-03-10T14:26:00.000-08:00

So, today was not awesome. And as my day moved along and things just kept coming up that were not going well, I entertained myself with a pretty humorous dialogue in my head. I woke up leisurely (which is great of course) but I stayed tired all morning long. I got dressed in an outfit I began to despise the second I left the house. I had some interesting road rage for a few fleeting seconds. I hated the way my hair looked. My first appointment that I left the house early for I was not able to see my client at school due to a stupid assembly (no idea if it was actually stupid, just stupid in my opinion because I was not aware of it before going to the school). I then went into work and could not log into my work server to check email, do anything productive or even get on the internet at all, therefore I drove all the way to work to use the microwave in heating up my soup and then ate it at my desk as I stared at the wall. I went to my next appointment and things went fine there, however I am pretty sure I wrote I was there for an hour on the sign in sheet when really I was only there twenty minutes. It is a tiny little thing I know, but it still was frustrating because my "baby brain" lapse of thinking has started coming up at very odd times. I have trouble getting the words that I am thinking connected to my mouth to say them. I have told many stories to friends and family members recently and in the middle of speaking I say "Did I already tell you this?" I can't remember what stories I have shared, I feel as if I am repeating myself and I lose my train of thought every so often. Then I was on my way to my next appointment and thankfully I called ahead to find out the kid was sick before I had to drive all the way to his school. I was still feeling irritated and decided what I really needed was a hair cut. I told Matt over the phone I went to get a hair cut spontaneously and he said "oh no, did you cut it all off?" He was already anticipating a crazy quick decision made by his pregnant wife feeling particularly irritated on any given day. I calmed his fears and said "no but I do feel a little off today". I ended my afternoon with a quick hair cut and was at least happy that the sun was shining.

Now that I am home I have changed out of those miserable clothes, my hair looks great :) and I had a delicious snack. Ohhhhhh, this day had to be documented somehow to remind me how very thankful I am because a "bad day" does not happen very often at all.

Seattle!

2011-03-06T18:41:00.000-08:00

Because I am so late at posting a blog about our fantastic trip to Seattle, I decided it would be best to just show some of the awesome pictures we took while there. We had an incredible time! We spent some much needed friend time with my good friend from high school, Alisa and her husband Ryan and their son Owen!

We soaked up every second of the mountain air and beautiful nature that surrounds their neighborhood.

We got up one morning and walked on this path, it was gorgeous! And then we went out to breakfast just the two of us. Very fun, and notice the baby bump starting to form.... :)

Gift card date night, what!

2011-02-27T09:23:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since a good post, huh? Well maybe I have had really important things to worry about recently and I don't have time to sit around all day writing to you, ever think of that?! Woah, let's take it back a bit. I apologize, that is no way to start a new post. The truth is I have not been all that busy and that I have thought of writing about great things many times... I just didn't do it. Sometimes I do things, and then other times I just don't. I don't think there should be any guilt or shame attached to that, ok? As if I feel any of those things coming from you anyways, I don't. You are the one who takes time out of your day to read from me, and I appreciate it. Let's just jump right into this as I fear another rant coming on.....
So last night my husband and I stumbled upon 5 to 7 (I didn't feel like counting an exact number) gift cards that we have yet to use. I suggested we go out and use every single one but that felt like a little much. Matt did agree to using two of them and so our date night began. We first went to Border's and looked at books, games, and magazines for quite a while. Matt got lost in a comic book which he ended up reading the whole thing so we did not have to buy it, that's legal right? And I found myself engaged in the Buddhist section skimming through several books that I could relate to, you know, I'm down with that whole inner peace, outer peace, enlightenment thing. I then got lost in the kid's section as I gathered a few ideas for a gift that I will be getting soon for a good friend of mine who is due in May. I loved reminiscing through some of my favorite childhood books and then I stopped to look at a few I had never seen before too.
Next we went to Whole Foods for dinner. They have so many delicious, fresh, and healthy choices for dinner that I was very pleased with everything we purchased. Matt got a bbq chicken sandwich and pasta and I delighted in a warm roll with my spinach veggie lasagna. So good!
And on our way home we could not just drive past the Sheridan's, I mean who does that? Plus we had a gift card that was dying to be spent. I got my favorite... mint chocolate chip ice cream with chunks of oreo, otherwise known as the grasshopper. Is there anything better than mint chocolate chips with CHUNKS of oreo? Matt had a hard time choosing what to order as he does at most places because the man likes everything! I mean, I don't think I have EVER heard him say he didn't like some piece of food (within reason of course) and I mention at least three things a day that I don't like. I wonder if that gets annoying...
Moving on, he chose butter pecan ice cream with caramel. I am sure this sounds good to some of you, but to me, I just don't think pecans belong with ice cream. There I said it. I also have no desire to ever eat caramel again. Ever.
We got home after driving around through some cold foggy weather and watched some shows together. A very successful and fun date night. No pictures to prove it, but I assure you, it was nice.

Spit. it. out.

2011-02-07T20:10:00.000-08:00

So I have had trouble recently connecting my thoughts to the exact words that I want to speak. Even trying to explain a very simple ab exercise to the girts that I coach.... I had to find a girl that I knew, she knew what I was trying to say and I had to ask her to just do it visually for everyone else to get it. I am telling you this because I can almost guarantee that if I am having trouble speaking the words, I am sure I am having issues typing them as well.
I was watching a cooking show over the weekend and saw a meal that I wanted to cook, and then we bought the right ingredients AND I actually cooked it! So if you want a delicious sandwich here goes: get some yummy bread (sour dough, italian, whatevs) get some big ol' mushrooms (especially if you are cutting back on meat, it is a good meat substitute) grill the bread and mushrooms on the skillet, add veganaise mayo and honey mustard, cheese (if you want of course) fresh basil leaves chopped up, and a fresh avocado on the side and add your favorite chips on the other side. Oh I promise you, sooooooo good! And for dessert, reese's peanut butter cups!
I was going to take a picture and show you, but I swear it was not on the plate long enough, so fresh and delicious!

Thank goodness

2011-02-03T16:24:00.000-08:00

I spent the last three days working from home due to a blizzard. Although I think this insane weather is a clear sign of global warming and mother nature has been forced into a crazy burst of record breaking highs and lows.... I did appreciate the break. I worked from home the past three days and did not even turn my car on (hope it starts fine tomorrow). This does mean next week I will be playing catch up a bit as you can never get everything done working from home, but I really did enjoy the lighter schedule. I will keep this short and simple as I try to do after a post like the last one. Not only was the break nice to stay warm and cozy in the house, but I happened to get sick this week and it was the perfect time to really go at my own pace and rest and re-energize. My husband picked up the slack this week as I let the laundry lay on the floor and the dishes pile up in the sink, and I am very thankful for him (for many reasons).

Hope you are staying warm and I hope we all see some sunshine soon....

Levels of funny

2011-01-30T07:42:00.000-08:00

I went to a clinic recently where I found myself in a banquet hall with about 400 other people that coach softball. Most of the speakers were good and the information was helpful. But after several hours of sitting in the same place and listening to very similar information I found myself getting very easily distracted. There was this older man sitting next to me and he would try to make funny comments from time to time to his co-worker next to him and to me on the other side, and I appreciated his effort. After a few minutes I noticed that he kept reaching down to the side of him somewhere beyond my line of sight and he came back with some sort of treat and popped it in his mouth. He did this two or three times and then I leaned over to him and said "Have you ever seen Napoleon Dynamite?" Thankfully he said yes, and the rest of of my joke landed. Then I said "You remind me of that part when he keeps reaching down to his side pocket on his pants and he is eating his tator tots during class..." The guy laughed and said he had some sort of jelly bean like candy and assured me he did not have a pocket full of warm tator tots. THIS was the highlight of the day as far as humor goes.

Now it was funny at the time, yes. But then I realized that one of the speakers was getting all the laughs and she did have some funny, not so politically correct comments to say and she kept everyone's interest for sure. Instead of saying she had some fast players on her team and some not so fast, she would call the slow ones "butt slow" and that got a laugh. And someone next to me said "See, I told you she was hilarious." Now this is when I said no no no, in my head. Yes, this woman has every right to call the speaker hilarious but I just wasn't sure she had heard of anything truly funnier than what we were currently listening to. I have been called a 'comedy snob' and I think I am okay with it.

This scene reminded me of when I worked in an office every day and how we all (or at least some of us) start to go a little crazy after a while. Eight hours straight of working in a basement, no natural sunlight and those florescent lights and off white walls just over taking you... I remember there was "office humor" and it was far different than anything I found funny outside of work. Someone would make a comment and I would catch myself half-heartedly laughing like Toby from The Office and then once I was in my car driving home I would snap back into my full self and realize 'that wasn't funny at all'.

I've decided there are levels of funny and somewhere in there is The Office Level (cubicle or not), The Banquet Hall Level, Classroom funny, and then the levels just start getting better and better beyond that and eventually you reach 30 Rock Level (quick, witty, and down right hilarious -my favorite level). I know that humor is helpful especially on those long days and I guess I would rather have the Office level than no level at all.... at least I think I would.

I will leave you with my list. It may be oozing with my comedic snobness, and oh yea sometimes I make up words, but I think I have reached the level of comedy where I am qualified to judge the un-funny shows.

The top 5 Worst (non-reality) Shows Ever:
5. Outsourced. It made the list because I can't believe it is in the current line up of Thursday night awesomeness. I have seen a total of 60 seconds and that was enough to realize it will never be funny.
4. King of Queens. Let's me honest though According to Jim could be interchangeable here, anything with a fat husband, skinny wife, husband acts like an idiot and wife freaks out, blah blah blah, I am just sick of the plots being so similar but then failing at actually being funny.
3. My name is Earl. The previews alone on this show are so irritatingly not funny to me.
2. The Big Bang Theory. I am sorry, I know a lot of people watch it, and we have tried but I just don't get it. The humor is not there and that skinny guy's voice is like nails on a chalkboard to me.
1. Two and a Half Men. The. Worst. Ever.

Now on a brighter note, the top 5 Best and Funniest Shows Ever
5. Scrubs
4. Summer Heights High
3. Strangers with Candy
2. Arrested Development
1. 30 Rock

There, I said it. Lemon out.

A few great things...

2011-01-21T11:07:00.000-08:00

I have had three snow days in the past two weeks and that means a few less appointments for me and a few less busy days. I have appreciated the break SO much. I love being at home more, not having to drive in bad weather, and getting to hang out with our dogs more. I also really like eating at home, that may sound weird, or not, who cares, I just like it. I have noticed that our dog Jaxon follows me around to each room that I go to (even the bathroom) which has been pretty funny to observe. We got a new bed last weekend and upgraded to a king sized bed! And we are still very happy with our purchase of netflix. Almost every movie or show I have found has either been very interesting and I learned something new or it was just down right entertaining. Although I watched one movie two days ago that was just bad. The main character was just a jerk and he had no redeeming qualities at all. And at the end of the movie I was just bummed out that I chose that one to watch. Last week Matt and I watched 'Frozen' which we could tell by the description it was going to be horrible but we still chose it, and watched the entire thing. This guy and his girlfriend and best friend all get stuck on a ski lift over night. Which, if you have ever been on a ski lift you can imagine that getting stuck 30 feet up in the air in the freezing cold over night would be horrible. But the dialogue was horrible, the effects were even worse and just one bad thing after another kept happening. What were we supposed to do, stop watching? Now that would have been crazy. We had to see which of the three dum dum's actually survived if any (don't worry the girlfriend survives and also I didn't ruin the ending because I am positive you would have never watched it yourself).

Snow day!

2011-01-10T13:04:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up and found out my first meeting was canceled and one meeting was changed to tomorrow and then this afternoon I was going to lead softball conditioning for the team I am coaching but because they didn't have school due to the snow, conditioning was canceled too! It was a nice surprise to have a busy day go to a very relaxing, catching up on things sort of day where I could stay home in my pj's all day long.

Every time I looked outside and saw the big flakes coming down, I smiled. It was a much needed break and each passing flake felt like a breather and a chance to get some things done that I have been meaning to.

We had a very nice weekend kicking it off on Friday night with a dinner out with Matt's side of the family. Saturday my mom and sister joined me to my good friend Megan's baby shower for her first kiddo and little boy who is due in just a few short weeks.

Great food, cute cupcakes and a very lovely shower with good people.

Me, Ashleigh (holding Ashton) and Megan. Doesn't Megan look sooo cute?!

My mom helped me make my second baby blanket and I was pretty pleased with how this one turned out. Megan loved it too (thankfully) because she said she needed a blanket for her baby's crib and it matched the colors she already chose for the nursery!

And this little guy, Ashton partied it up with us at the baby shower too. He did great! He was so chilled and had fun just checking everything out. He is such a cutie pie!

Today...

2010-12-19T15:23:00.000-08:00

Today I am reminded of how very precious life really is. Today I am trying to live a more authentic, genuine, truthful life. Today I listen to my instincts more and become more honest with my loved ones. Today I am so very thankful for my family and good friends. I know that at the end of the day good relationships are the substance of life. I know that life is worth living well. I know that we are all here for different reasons and at the same time we are all here for one another. Today I am so grateful for my husband, the choices that he makes and the incredible person he is at his core. I hope for you that you find peace this holiday season, that you make time to tell your loved ones what they mean to you and to live your life better today than you did yesterday.

This season....

2010-12-11T19:29:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago we were at a cider mill celebrating the start of the fall season and Matt noticed a booth for a local non-profit where you can 'adopt' foster care kids for christmas and get them presents that are on their wish list. We decided to sign up for two 14 year olds, a boy and a girl. We were sent their first names and a few of their favorite things and we were off. We asked our families to contribute if they felt like getting us a gift this year, they could instead get something off one of the kiddo's wish list and that would be our gift this year. Our family stepped up effortlessly and we were able to send two big red santa bags that were jam packed with goodies.

The kid's both got some great art supplies, lots of cool clothes, some fashionable boots for the girl, and a sweet Chiefs hoodie for the boy, some gift cards, scarves, gloves, and the list goes on. I got to deliver the big santa bags one morning this past week and it felt great giving to those that truly need it way more than we do. I love any chance to help young people and I know our gifts will make their holiday at least a little brighter.

THANK YOU TO OUR FAMILIES' FOR CONTRIBUTING AND THEIR GIVING SPIRITS!

I also think we are at a point in our lives where we don't need 'things', we don't want more stuff just to have some thing. I think it's great to take a few extra minutes to really think about a gift you are getting someone and to know it's purpose, whether it be fun, relaxation, inspiration, or something sweet that will make the receiver of the gift feel special, than it's worth it.

We hope you are enjoying this holiday season and more than anything gaining great memories.

WHAT a weekend!

2010-12-05T18:31:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna go picture crazy with this one... we had a very busy but very fun weekend celebrating with the family. My 6 week old nephew Ashton was baptized and we spent the weekend with family celebrating... My mom, sister and I saw the Von Trapp family sing with the Kansas City Symphony (no pictures but just start singing 'raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...' now in your head and you can imagine the fun). Then a pizza dinner with about 20 of us last night, Chris' family was in town to join in the goodness. Today we went to church, Ashton was baptized and we went to my mom's house for lunch, watched the Chiefs game and some intense ping pong games. I can officially say I could play ping pong for hours, my dad and I played against one another and that was the first time we had played each other in probably 15 years and it was fun! It was a fierce competition and although I beat him in overtime (24-22) he won 3 out of 5. It was nice how home like my mom's house now feels to me. I have always said wherever my mom is that is my second home, but now her warm, cozy home with Steve really does feel like my second home and it's great. I cherish every moment with our families and feel very grateful for all the good times... Oh also Matt and I picked out our Christmas tree last night and it is finally fully decorated and I LOVE it. The tree fills the house with the lovely fresh pine smell and the twinkling lights between different ornaments shine reminders of fond memories.........

These are some of our favorite ornaments. The red santa on the left hangs at the top of our tree as our 'Christmas star' and I've had it for years. The Lindsay ornament reminds me of my childhood as us three kids (Shan, Jeff and me) all had our own names spelled out just like this. The Sugar Bear is Matt's favorite, isn't it cute? He has has it for twenty years, and it still plays jingle bells when you squeeze it! The Star Wars one on the right I got Matt a few years ago and he loves it because it is Star Wars of course.

Shan, Ashton sleeping soundly and me and my dad after our ping pong match.

Our tree!

Where to start?

2010-11-28T15:20:00.000-08:00

I've got about a dozen things on my mind that not only I would like to write about but that have also happened in the last week or so. We just got home from our anniversary trip to Mexico with our good friends Jamee and Dale and it was a blast!! I have a few art/writing projects going on at the same time... Thanksgiving was a good reminder on how very blessed and grateful I am for the loved ones in my life... and not 'working' was about the best break I could imagine right now... Driving home at 6 a.m. this morning going from pitch black to pure light within forty minutes through farm country was pretty awesome... and reflection, reflection, reflection. I continue to hope to do better tomorrow than I did yesterday. I strive to evolve even a little every single day. I want to get even a tiny piece of enlightenment and I know that will look a bit different with each passing day.

I went from trying to hide my nervousness for flying to complete awe once I leaned over my husband's window seat and saw this...

For the first time in my life while flying I felt real strength. I felt a powerful energy that I could not explain. It gave me just enough of a push to feel at ease for flying and I knew we would arrive safely. I also knew things more powerful than me were at work and that was very intriguing.

I could go on, but I will leave you with this. The lyrics to a song that I find... I could say fascinating, or interesting, but really I find them relateable. And you may not, and that is fine, I ask that you listen to the song too rather than just read the words and see if they mean anything to you.... but for now,

Society - Eddie Vedder

Oh, it's a mystery to me
We have a greed with which we have agreed
And you think you have to want more than you need
Until you have it all you won't be free

Society, you're a crazy breed
Hope you're not lonely without me...

When you want more than you have
You think you need...
And when you think more than you want
Your thoughts begin to bleed
I think I need to find a bigger place
Because when you have more than you think
You need more space

Society, you're a crazy breed
Hope you're not lonely without me...
Society, crazy indeed
Hope you're not lonely without me...

There's those thinking, more-or-less, less is more
But if less is more, how you keeping score?
Means for every point you make, your level drops
Kinda like you're starting from the top
You can't do that...

Society, you're a crazy breed
Hope you're not lonely without me...
Society, crazy indeed
Hope you're not lonely without me...

Society, have mercy on me
Hope you're not angry if I disagree...
Society, crazy indeed
Hope you're not lonely without me...

Early Thanksgiving

2010-11-14T17:23:00.000-08:00

We celebrated Thanksgiving early today at Matt's moms' house. Becky recently bought some land and built the house she and her husband Dave now live in. They have some land and a four wheeler and this thing we call a 'gator' and got to drive it around their land. The food was good, the company was great, and it was fun to explore their land on this thing.

We play this game called Pirate Bingo and it's basically a card game where you chose a gift from the center of the table. The gifts we all bring from home and usually they are funny, somewhat odd gifts that you would never normally get yourself. And now we are the proud new owners of a fox hat. Wait, I take that back, not proud, I'm not a fan of dead animal skin, having to see it, let alone having to drive home with it in the back seat of our car. But Dave is a hunter and this is one of his creations of taking the fur and making a warm hat. It was definitely the most unique gift of the day.

We enjoyed a fast ride through the woods on this vehicle. They also have a four wheeler we look forward to riding next time we visit.

Ainsley quickly figured out the rules to pirate bingo...

And our drive home was beautiful and of course I took a few minutes to snap as many cloud shots as I could.

I really love these pictures.

Yet another great weekend....

Quote of the day

2010-11-12T17:36:00.000-08:00

During a meeting with my 15 year old male client he told me he thinks I should get paid more to listen to people complain all day. He then said 'don't you ever work with people and think 'they are just so stupid!' I smiled but said the appropriate response of 'Well, no I don't think any one I work with is stupid'. When truly I have come across about 4 people I can think of out of about 100 that were truly choosing to be stupid and I know that they will never change. I guess 4 out of 100 isn't that bad, right? My client then rephrased the question and said 'don't you work with people that you just know won't do anything to help themselves?' And to that I answered yes. And those by far are the most frustrating cases, the ones who say they want help when you know they really don't, the ones that want you to only justify their behavior no matter what, the ones that are given the opportunity to do better every minute of their lives but they still choose not to. Those are the worst.

I did however have an incredible meeting this past week where I wore the hat of a marriage counselor and helped two parents make some sense of their teenager's behavior and their role in the mix and how they can make a few small changes and immediately see a positive affect at home. It was the kind of meeting that it was obvious I was helping these people and it was wonderful that they appreciated the help. It was the kind of family that you see how much potential they have and you get to witness their growth. And it was the kind of feeling that reminds me of why I chose to do the work that I do and the value I see in it.

Also, what gets you through a tough week? One of many things that gets me through is good music!! I had a new cd in my car this week and it gave me the extra charge I thrived in the morning, and a great burst of energy throughout the day. I was jamming to some Pearl Jam, Michael Jackson, Bright Eyes, and my rap for this week included OutKast and Mystical. Oh yea.

Random thought for the day...

2010-11-04T14:56:00.000-07:00

I was working at Panera today and it was packed but I was immersed in my work and at one point I didn't look up from my computer for a solid hour. Then I heard a baby sitting near me and she kept saying 'beek oh book' something along those lines over and over again. And it would have been annoying if it wasn't so darn cute. I was pulled back into my surroundings by hearing her saying that phrase and then I started to really look at all the faces that filled the restaurant. A lot of 'business' people, some young couples, some really old people, a few kids, and people of all different races and ages and it made me think of this random thought: Isn't weird that we were all once babies? I mean, really? We all have our adult clothes, and language and ability to do things on our own, but once we were tiny, helpless, babies making weird noises in the corner. It was one of those moments I felt like we were all more connected than we usually seem to be.

I fell compelled to add a Tracy Jordan (30 Rock) random statement to the end of this: I was just thinking about how weird it is that we eat birds.

SO, that was embarassing...

2010-10-27T19:29:00.000-07:00

What is your most embarrassing moment? Think of it, if you don't have one that's great, but you should probably stop reading now because you can't relate. I want to know who else has felt embarrassed For. Real. Whether it was really a big deal or not... let's say you were jumping up and down a midst a victory dance for winning a ping pong game and you happened to shatter the lights that hung above you at your friend's neighbors house! Or.... you tripped and fell on campus and you know some distant friends of yours or even a cute girl/guy saw you and the coolness was just sucked out of you instantly. You know that feeling, right? Walking along, everything is good, you even feel great, one missed step or slip up on a mystery rock and your rhythm to your walk is disrupted. You can either start to jog as Ellen Degeneres suggests and just play it off as cool as best you can. Or, you get all the 'cool' sucked out of you and your neck feels hot and stomach feels empty and you stay that way for at least a few minutes... until logic sets in and you realize it's okay and keep telling yourself 'it's not that big of a deal' over and over again.
Well today I had a very awkward moment and was embarrassed because of it. It was a situation that occurred with people I worked with but people I will most likely not have to ever see again in person. That should resolve most of the awkwardness, right? No, I still feel a little silly about it and if I think about it too long my neck could start feeling a little warm until I am snapped back into reality and realize 'it's not that big of a deal'. Regardless of what the little issue was (can you tell I am not going to tell you what it was?) the comfort I felt when I came home and told Matt about it was nice. I remember the very first white hair I found on my head. It was tiny, and I had to really be looking for it to even find it, but the truth is that it existed, it was there. And one day my boyfriend at the time found the very same white hair and he stopped, pointed, and laughed at me. Can you believe it? Not even a funny let's laugh together thing, but a plain old laugh at me. Rude as can be. It was then I realized that his own insecurities started to spew over to our relationship and that is when I started to pull away.
I came home to tell Matt my embarrassing moment and I thought about prefacing it with my usual 'can I tell you something, but you promise to not make fun of me?' Guess what? I have never had to say this for real because Matt has NEVER made fun of me even a little. He is completely open, and kind and accepting. And he has seen a few white hairs on my head and never once even cracked a smile, because he is kind, and he loves me for me, regardless of my hair color, my quirks, and whatever else happens along the way. Even the embarrassing moments we can share, and laugh together.
What even makes us feel embarrassed? The possible judgments of other people? I am pretty sure whatever embarrassing moment you have experienced yourself, just like my situation, you can hopefully find the humor in it without feeling bad about it...

Things I appreciate today...

2010-10-25T20:25:00.000-07:00

1. Fall, fall weather, fall leaves, crisp air.

2. My husband and the things he says that cracks me up. Most recent we were driving with our windows down and stopped at a stoplight and he breathed in deeply and said "fried food and fresh air, two of my favorite smells".

3. NOT being on call for work. The joy I get in the evenings when I turn off my work cell phone. I feel relieved, and I feel freedom. I am very grateful for my job and appreciate the fact that we happen to be very busy right now, but I love love love being at home and NOT working.

4. Good, genuine conversations. I gain greater connections with friends through these moments and I very much appreciate it. Especially when so many things we all talk about all day long and how especially with co-workers it can be irritating or meaningless that is when I appreciate a good friendship and conversation even more.

5. Using a blanket. I am usually hot, and recently we have had the windows open and the fans blowing and that means the weather is perfect for cuddling up with a blanket is happening and I love it.

It really is the simple things in life that bring me joy, clearly.

Slumber party!!

2010-10-24T14:04:00.000-07:00

We had my nephew over for his very first sleep over at our house last night. We had such a great time! Matt made delicious tacos, we watched Monster's Inc. and played with our dogs. Kestan slept for 12 hours! I think we wore him out.

We were goofin around, Kestan had swishy pants on and I thought I should put some on too so we could dance around the living room and freak out our dogs.

Uncle Matt and K chillin.

This little guy is so fun!! Let alone the fact that he is too freakin cute. He is growing up and getting more independent and we LOVED having him over. He said he had "so much fun" and I asked if he wanted to come back another night to spend the night and he said "Great!"

Brothers

2010-10-17T10:29:00.000-07:00

What a big, wonderful change this beautiful family has gone through adding a new child to their family. They are amazing and I wish them even more strength, wisdom and energy as their family evolves. I am grateful to get to observe and be a part of their extended family as well. Kestan is getting more comfortable with the idea of a little brother every hour, he is very helpful and is really showing his independence.

Ashton

2010-10-16T20:46:00.000-07:00

This past Wednesday my nephew Ashton was born! We were so happy to greet him at the hospital and to find out that he and his mom (my sister) are healthy and happy. They stayed at the hospital for observation for three days and during that time my mom and I looked after my other nephew, Ashton's older brother, keeping him company, going on trips to the petting zoo, and spending the night at nana's house.

We welcomed Ashton with open arms and spent very precious quiet moments with him, he has proven to be a very chilled and easy going baby. Even though things were very busy and fun, we all had a chance to slow down and just be. And breathe, holding a tiny little soul that has just begun his journey and hope for the very best for him. I am so grateful for the ability for our immediate family to all be present to greet him at the same time, what a nice family moment it was.

Today my sister and her family transitioned home after their stay at the hospital. I know it will be an adjustment for Kestan to go from only child to big brother but I know they will find their new 'normal' as a family and it will be great.

I loved the chance to observe (again) my mom in action as nana. I truly understand the gift of having your mom around who also happens to be awesome, around when you become a mom (even though I am not a mom yet). She was ready and willing to help for anything anytime. She thought of fun activities, meals, snacks, and made sure there was time for rest for the new mom. Becoming a mom is such a life changing event and to have your mom there to share in the tears of joy and change, must help give you that extra strength you need to continue the journey.

I am so very proud of my sister and brother-in-law for their strength and love, it is great to see their family evolve. This past week are the kind of weeks that send you great reminders of what life is truly about; love and family and how important it is to stay present.

Us ladies are definitely getting out numbered by all these boys.... but, so far, no complaints. They have kept us very entertained.

Our tree!

2010-10-12T19:46:00.000-07:00

I am not prepared for it getting dark outside earlier just yet, but I am loving Fall and our bright tree makes me smile.

House stuff

2010-10-05T17:36:00.000-07:00

I repainted the trim throughout our entire house (well, I still have the guest room and a few parts in the kitchen to finish) but overall it has made such a difference. This is the gross trim (above) that used to be in the living room, and now the new and improved trim.....

Totally makes a difference, I also painted our exterior doors a lovely 'apple a day red'. Little things like that have made me enjoy our house even more.

So we have this chair, very comfy and the dogs must sense how great it is because they will sit and stare at us as if they are begging to get up on the chair with us and cuddle. Now I am fully aware that this is not great 'training' for the dogs, but the dogs are not allowed on any of the beds, or on our nice couch, but every so often we give in on this one thing and let them cuddle on this chair. Usually it is Ellie (our little dog) that wants to cuddle, but a few nights ago Jax was really needing some extra attention and Matt let him on the chair with him. Jax is way bigger than he knows and takes up half the chair, but still too cute to resist a few minutes on the chair.

This is how we do it

2010-10-02T07:22:00.000-07:00

Fall is upon us, people. I let the dogs out this morning and stood outside feeling the very cool crisp air, and it smelled gooood out, fresh. This weekend is supposed to be in the 60's and that sounds wonderful to me. I am not ready for the cold air, but this, this feels nice. We have a busy Fall with a lot of really fun things going on. But I am just taking one fun thing on at a time and trying my best to fully be present. Any day now we will be blessed with another nephew!
Yesterday I was feeling pretty stressed with work for a number of different reasons and I even got a head ache because of the worry. It didn't last very long and soon that energy was turned into gratitude and I gave myself the opportunity to let the rest of that stress go. I continue to find solace in the Four Agreements: don't make assumptions, don't take anything personally, be impeccable with your word and always do your best. I still have to remind myself about the first two, but when you fully move through them you waste less energy, and my word is improving. If I want authentic and genuine relationships in my life then I have to be that way outwardly as well, and I am appreciating that much more. And finally, yesterday when my head was overwhelmed and all I wanted to do was sleep on a hammock, I realized I was doing the best I could at that moment. Today I will do better because I feel better.
Off to enjoy a nice lunch with the family out on the town. Enjoy your weekend!

10 things that make me happy today, again.

2010-09-25T19:43:00.000-07:00

10. Friday night softball games. We have joined a league and play double headers every Friday. This past Friday several people got a little injured, including Matt who was not back to full capacity after running to fast to first last week and his quad was still sore. My leg hurt from running too, plus after a great hit I managed to throw the bat back on my ankle, immediately swelling the outside bone of my ankle. Don't worry, it numbed up pretty quickly and after some icing once we got home and a good night's rest we were feeling better. The weather last night was gorgeous, it felt so much like the beginning of Fall, I loved it! Plus the exercise is always welcome.

9. Goat cheese. I have a new obsession with it and it is the ONLY food item I have a very difficult time saying 'no' to. I can dismiss cupcakes, candy, chocolate, caffine, pretty much everything you could think of, but if you put some goat cheese and crackers in front of me, look out. So, I enjoy it today, however I have asked Matt to keep the rest of it away from me until he finishes it and I don't think we will be buying anymore any time soon.

8. Annie, and other great nostalgic movies. I happened to watch it today while I messed with some old necklaces and beads in hopes of trying to make better and more interesting ones that I would want to wear today. We had our windows open because the weather was so nice, which meant I kept my singing 'how about champion? champion.. you're anything but..' to a much lower volume than I would have liked.

7. Toast. My favorite snack right now is a piece of our farm to market 100% whole wheat bread, toasted with some butter on it. I love it, very plain, very delicious and makes Matt laugh every time he hears me enjoying a piece (because his palette is much more demanding than mine :)

6. Being so close to a grocery store. We could walk to our nearest grocery store and even though that particular one is not my favorite, it is very convenient and I do forget some essentials from time to time, so I appreciate the comfort of being able to run back to the store if we need to. As much as I would love to live in the country and have more space, I would definitely have to up my list writing and following of the list skills.

5. Our dogs, I have to say.. they are just so fun to have around. They continue to bring lots of energy full of love and comfort. Even when I am trying to work, or we want to relax on the couch and they happen to come by and lick our face, two seconds later they bring us their ball and are ready to play.

4. Being nice but honest. I have not enjoyed the time I have spent working with a guy who happens to be quitting and his last day is this Friday, which I am looking forward to. I have to remind myself that I can still be a nice, good person but that it's not always right to sit back and be quiet when something is going on that you don't think is right.

3. Taking pictures, of our family, friends, and landscape. love it.

2. Fresh, cool air.
1. Family, of course. I could list ten reasons for this one but I will just say we have spent some wonderful time with both of our families the past few days and it has been great. We are 'on call' and anticipating a call from either my sister or my brother-in-law letting us know they are heading to the hospital to give birth to their second son! We are so excited to welcome the wonderful new addition to our family!

The weekend...

2010-09-20T18:17:00.000-07:00

The past week was very busy with work, we ended the week with our softball double header games. Matt pitched nicely and we won the first game. Matt also ran to first very quickly and hurt his quad muscle so he chose and with some light encouragement from his wife, to sit out the second game. 22 sure feels different than 32, we are learned that over the weekend. Our good friends Jamee and Dale drove the four hours to our house to help us celebrate Matt's birthday (they have done this the past few years and a little tradition we always look forward to). We went to the renaissance festival on Saturday and even though towards the end of our visit we got rained on, it was really fun. We had time to come home, relax throughout the rest of the thunderstorm and just when the clouds started to get real bright, we drove to our favorite pizza place and had a nice dinner. Lots of good conversations, laughs, good food, and a really great weekend. I am so very grateful for good, genuine friendships and we appreciate any time we get to spend with our good friends. Thanks again Dale and Jamee for the visit!

Sunday I spent the afternoon at my mom's house celebrating motherhood with a nice gathering of women. We told stories about having a mom, those of who have children about being a mom, and it was a sweet get together to help welcome my sister's second baby who will be here any day now (her due date is Oct. 7th)!!

My mom, sister and I sending lots of love and support for the Duh family and their new baby! This was a very sweet celebration that anyone can have for their own sister or friend. To eat yummy food, relax and share funny and sweet stories about the amazing adventure it is to become a parent. love love love.

Home again home again jiggity jiggg...

2010-09-16T21:03:00.000-07:00

My brain is wired to remember quotes, phrases, scenes from movies/tv shows and so on. I have had issues with Math and Science however I remember driving directions by sights and feelings, I can remember a phone number or address after hearing it once. So you can imagine what it must be like for my neurons and however the heck all that works.
Growing up we read lots of books and listened to lots of songs, all that remain dear to my heart. Some of which I have remembered two or three specific phrases more than others and morphed them into one to suit my short term memory. We had great vacations growing up as well, and I remember no matter what the vacation was I was always excited to be back home. Home. A place I long to be, somewhere that has transformed over my years and now is more of a who than a what, as far as the people in my life that make me feel home, we just so happen to be blessed actually have a where too.
So tonight after a long 48 hours away from, I get to return to my Home. Of course I am thrilled to see my husband and he happened to have a delicious dinner ready to consume the second I walked through the door. But to be greeted by my dogs makes me feel home too. Their sweetness surrounds me and tails wagging, jumping bodies of excitement, I can tell that they missed me by their extra energy and they are happy to have both of us home. All the dog hair, muddy feet, and crazy energy is worth it because they are a part of our family, a part of my home.

Work conference....

2010-09-15T22:43:00.000-07:00

So Monday I started leading my 'Choices' group for some teenagers our organization has worked with in one form or another over the past few months. We wanted to bring a few of them together to give them a chance to connect with other kids that may have gone through similar things. There was weeks of prep time, finding good readings, activities, and getting everything 'approved' by my supervisor, etc. and on the way to group I called Matt (feeling a little nervous I guess) and said 'what if only two kids show up?' (instead of the 7 we had signed up for the course). Matt instantly said 'well, two is a group, so you'll be fine'. Very sweet, very supportive and always appreciated. I agreed with Matt and continued on to lead the class. I had the lovely help of another co-worker and a good friend and guess what? All 7 kids showed up! We will have five more meetings on the next five Mondays. So very happy the first meeting went well and even though it was tiring, I think it will be a valuable course for the kiddos and for us.
Next day Tuesday was busy with meetings all day and by 5:30 myself and four other co-workers were all on the road headed to a small town a few hours away for a work conference. I have been to conferences like this before but I will say the information presented here was very valuable and I am glad I came. We of course were given two nights at a hotel and $30 per person per day with food (which we never even used that full amount due to other food being available through the conference).
The hotel was... pretty gross. Now I am aware that I am already a weirdo when it comes to hotels (or am I completely normal and everyone else is weird about it?) We all drove up in a company car and I was the only one that sat with a pillow in their laps and that is where the questions started. Why did you bring your own pillow? And then of course I mentioned that the second I enter a hotel room I throw the comforter on the floor, then we talk about Dateline episodes and black lights... then I even told them that I put towels down across the bathroom floor and do my very best not to touch the tile barefoot. This is when my freak flag flew and the car grew silent. "Do you have house slippers too?" Puzzled I said 'no, I just do that at hotels, I am fine at home with our germs...' This conversation made my co-worker (the only other woman that came on this trip) and she said 'do they not wash everything? i just assume they wash everything... maybe i am too trusting'. And yes I think, maybe you are. Later in the day she said one of her hotel pillows fell on the floor and she did not pick it up because of me and our germ conversation. I told her that was a good idea and I only felt bad about breaking her trust of hotel cleanliness for a second.
Here's the rundown: the lobby is large filled with games mostly broken ones that just give you false hope of playing air hockey or double shot only to find out they are permanently broken, or by the time you ask to play ping pong the front desk lady says 'it's too late, come back at 8 a.m.' lame. There was definite mold in my bathroom, a tile in the lobby had fallen down and was spread out along the carpet dew to mildew. Something started smoking in the lobby and they put out a huge fan that just blew thick smokeness back and forth. The pool looked stale and lame, but did I mention there was a water slide? Tonight we decided to spend some time at the pool, hot tub and enjoy the slide. I found a kid's football underneath my bed, because of course I look under the bed, that's normal right? The hot tub was hot and the slide was windy and freakin fast, so hilarious and ended up being really fun.
Lastly there's this; myself, the other woman and two guys we were with played lots of pool as in billards. Now I am not great, but if I take my time I can make some pretty good shots from time to time. One of the guys we were with was getting kind of heated that I kept doing so well, and so much better than him. We beat his team several times either by his partner scratching the 8 ball or I hit the last few in and won for realsy. Either way he was just dumbfounded that one let alone two 'girls' beat him. I find it hilarious and still kind of odd (even though I have been familiar with this behavior for my entire life) that he felt even more competitive about wanting to win because he was playing against women. Personally I think it's a sign of insecurity and just a lame stereotype that 'you got beat by a girl' is still a big deal for some guys. Ever since I was little I have been able to play sports naturally. I remember racing on the soccer fields in elementary school and myself and one other girl could beat the other boys and it was a great achievement for us and a horrible defeat for them, much worse than losing to a boy. So after we won that last game he said 'let's go play football so we can actually beat them at something'. We obviously did not play football, but we did that video golf game, which I find to be kind of lame and you don't need much skill to do. That said, I 'drove' my ball further than this guys several times and he again felt defeated. Should I have let him win to make him feel better about the situation? Because I don't want any guy I play to ease up on me when we play games. Clearly there are physical things this guy and lots of guys could beat me at, but that doesn't belittle the fact that I am a good athlete and can legitimately kick his butt and other guys' butts at certain games. I just think it would be nice if he could be a good sport about it and not get down about it, or blame it on luck or something else.
Another thing I have always appreciated about Matt. He has never once felt threatened by my intelligence, talents or abilities (obviously or we would not be married) but he is very supportive of pretty much anything I do but definitely encouraged me to 'kick their butts' at whatever games we play.
At the end of the trip we all had a good time and today we had the honor of receiving a presentation by four kids who have been through or are still in the foster care system. They shared their traumas and their triumphs and the fact that they are all doing so very well today. It was inspiring and I think they need more of that at these social work conferences. We know what we do isn't going to save every kid and there may always be horrible awful happenings that we won't have the chance to prevent or help, but what makes the work important is those kids that we do get to come in contact with and hopefully help "We need you to believe in us..." the 16 year old bright eyed girl who helped with the presentation.

Turns out this post is much more of a novel, my apologies, unless you've stopped reading and you didn't make it this far, then nevermind. :)
I will be home tomorrow, with my husband, and our dogs, surrounded with our own germs.... can't wait.

Isn't our interview tomorrow and not today?

2010-09-09T20:11:00.000-07:00

Have you ever showed up to something early? Like... days early? It's pretty easy to forget what day of the week it is, right? But have you ever gone to a meeting (interview, party, etc.) today that was actually scheduled for not another time, but another day?!? I am ending my night with an episode from season 3 of The Office, where Micheal shows up a day early to an interview for a promotion and I find it to be HILarious.

Perhaps it's because I too, did something equally as embarrassing in middle school. One Saturday my mom drove me to my friend's house and we stood on the front porch as I rang the door bell, with my sleep over bag in hand my friend answered the door, greeted us but quickly became puzzled as to why we were there. I thought we were invited to a sleepover? My friend's mom joined us at the front door and her face turned into a mix of shock and irritation. Apparently, we were invited to a sleep over but it was not happening until NEXT Saturday, also the sleep over just happened to be a SURPRISE birthday party for my friend that both my mom and I overlooked. I am sure years later they found that to be as HILarious as my mom and I soon would.

So on to what's happenin now... my husband and I spent a good hour trying to install a ceiling fan in our guest room. The fan we put up in our bedroom took about twenty minutes from opening the box to flipping the switch. This guest bedroom fan was another story. We opened the box a week ago and had our first attempt at it then. One more try, and then tonight we were determined to finish the damn thing, sorry but there was a hint of irritation throughout the project where we kept thinking 'why is this taking so much longer than the other fan!?'

My husband powered through the irritation and I did all I could to be the best assistant ever because let's face it, I do not want to be the captain of an electrical home project, I will however be happy to hold screwdrivers, mag lights, twist ties, and wire cutters. So Matt did all of the brain power on this project and I was stationed underneath the fan for most of an hour holding it up while he connected the wires. I also ran up and down the stairs about eight times to figure out our funky system. One time the fan worked, but the light did not. Another time the closet light worked but the ceiling fan light did not. Don't worry, we eventually figured it alllllll out. After the hour or so of holding what I am going to guess is forty pounds over my head (more realistically twelve pounds) I do not believe I will be able to lift my arms above my head tomorrow, maybe not even past my belly button. After a week of darkness in the guest room, not only is it breezy and nice with the fan flowing exactly how it was intended to, but the four bright bulbs are shining like the sun.

This weather!!

2010-09-04T09:44:00.000-07:00

Good morning! I am thrilled to wake up to yet another beautiful, cool day that feels an awful lot like the start of Fall. Now, I wouldn't call myself a morning person, but once I am up, I'm fine (it's the actual getting out of bed thing that is a pain, especially if it happens to be cold and or dark outside). My husband on the other hand needs a little bit more time to adjust to being awake, and that is just fine. But I will say the extra cool breeze in the air has made mornings even more enjoyable around our house, nights for that matter too. Last night we went on a walk and I actually wore work out pants (instead of shorts), and then we came home and I used a blanket on the couch, I know that all sounds really simple, and it is... but it felt so cozy, and I love it!

We are off to spend some more time outside.. I just hope this weather sticks around for a while and doesn't all of a sudden get freezing out, please, mother nature... can we make that happen... thanks.

I don't really want to talk about my flare...

2010-08-30T21:20:00.000-07:00

So this past weekend was one of those weekends that was just great. Enough said, however I will in fact elaborate now.... Friday Matt had a much needed day off and we were able to grab a late lunch together, eat outside (my favorite) and then saw Toy Story 3. Has anyone else heard that grown men have cried at this movie? Neither of us cried, but I definitely got a lump in my throat at two different parts. The nostalgia of toys, stuffed animals, childhood, and the transition into adulthood was portrayed very sweetly with all the lovable characters. We got to relax at home all the rest of the day and night without any plans the following day. We slept in, ate a good breakfast, and then did a few errands for our house. We are doing a few smaller house renovations, backyard updates, painting the interior trim, etc. -another post to come on all of this. Saturday night I went to my mom's pool and swam with my sister and her son. My sister is about to give birth to her second boy and we all know things will change as they go back into baby mode and it will be great, but it was very nice too having time with just the three of us. Plus, Kestan is getting more brave every time he is at the pool, this time he thought it was so fun to just try and float on his back and of course splashing his "aunt Linds" is always fun too.

Sunday was another easy morning, good food, and our third power outage of the past few months. In the middle of a sunny gorgeous (somewhat hot) day our transformer blows and the dogs really hate that sound. We only lost power for about 2 hours but even that is a great reminder of how much we rely on power for entertainment, cold food, everything! :) It was nice, after taking the dogs for a long walk, we ended up playing with one of Matt's new phone apps (which I normally avoid) but it turned out to be hilarious and we turned into one of those crazy can't stop laugh fits, always fun. Sunday night we played two double header softball games with the new team we have joined with a few friends for a Fall league. These games were rain make up games from their summer season, but good practice for Matt and I to get back into playing. We lost horribly to both teams, but we had fun, made a few good plays, and what's better than playing a softball game on a cool summer night?

So then.. .boom! Monday rolls around, and I hate to be all "case of the Mondays" crap because I didn't have that until 5:00 tonight. My day was very productive, got lots of work done, not to mention two more rooms are nice and shiny with a new coat of trim... I got a call from my co-worker saying her client who is staying at our shelter got mad and punched a wall and they think she needs to go to the E.R. however she can't take her and the girl's mom can't take her either. Since I am on call I basically had to take her, or my co-worker could have taken her later, turns out I just took her. We spent almost three hours in the E.R. and dealt with 7, that's right 7 different people (reception, nurses, x-ray technician, and doctor). She broke her pinky finger, they knew we weren't an actual emergency so the worst part? After forty minutes of waiting a nurse would come in a say "the doctor will be here soon, he is going to numb your hand and I will go get the supplies to splint your hand"... thirty minutes later!!! She comes in with the supplies, it takes another twenty minutes for the doctor and nurse to meet up...... oh goodness, long story short, I appreciate all of those that work in an E.R. I do not envy your job and I hope to never spend a Monday night like this with you again.

Greenzo out.

Question...

2010-08-28T19:41:00.000-07:00

Would you rather be on a bus for ten hours or a plane for 3?

Would you rather swim 500 yards or bike 3 miles?

What is the worst trip you have ever been on?

Check this, what is the best trip you have ever been on?

What is the best worst movie you have ever seen? For instance, my husband loves really good movies yet he also likes movies that I find incredibly irritating, point and case we watched The Fifth Element for five minutes today and that was about all I could take.

What's your favorite thing to eat for lunch?

What was your first job?

These are some questions to ask at your next work training or elevator ride to help with the awkward silence, you're welcome.

10 things that make me happy today...

2010-08-22T20:02:00.000-07:00

I am going to borrow this idea for a post from my good friend Alisa. She has posted several wonderful things that bring her joy in her life from sunlight in her kitchen in the morning, to the amazing adventures of raising her baby boy. I have known for a while that gratitude is so very important and it brings me joy and peace to be able to be so fully aware of the blessed things in my life.

10. Every time we come home and get greeted by our two dogs. Even if I go outside to water the plants and come back inside a few minutes later, they are excited to see us every time we come home. They wag their tails, freak out in little circles around us and bring warmth to our home.

The next few posts will be about things that bring me joy specifically during out camping trip we just took over the weekend. 9. I love driving through windy roads with blue sky all around us.

8. Driving to a campsite with the intention of hanging out with good friends, canoeing and being outside. I love sitting around a campfire, catching up, and feeling the breeze around us as the smell of burning leaves surrounds us. I am sure I have mentioned this before, but how fun is it to just be? To have no agenda, no lists to get done, to just sit and relax. It's great!

7. I like where we live and how close we are to a lot of fun 'city' things but it's great to get away from all the city lights, have space, and remember how beautiful the reflection of the moon looks at night against water, to have the chance to see a dozen more stars than you can ever see in your own neighborhood.

6. Singing in the car with the windows down and my hair blowing wildly in the wind.

5. Hot dogs. I do not like normal hot dogs and really only eat chicken and turkey. But we recently discovered these amazing chicken sausages from Hy-Vee that have different ingredients like spinach and feta, roasted red pepper and asiago. We grilled the hot dogs and toasted the buns over the open flame last night and it was DElicious.

4. My good friend Megan (who we went camping with) is pregnant with her first baby and it was fun to talk about their plans for expanding their family, how she is feeling, the idea of actually have a kid, etc. It made me think of my nephew, Kestan and all the sweet moments I have been so lucky to share with him. To continue to get some of those moments with him, my friends' kids and eventually our own. I took this picture on the way home from a trip to Omaha a few weeks ago. Kestan loved seeing his reflection in my sunglasses.

3. Speaking of good friends, I love these girls Megan and Ashleigh (we camped with them and their husbands this weekend). The six of us rented a condo in S. Padre Island three years ago and hope to rent a cabin in Colorado next Fall. It's so great having such good people in our lives!

2. Summertime. We have had some very good times with the family cooking out and going to the pool this summer. We spent my brother's birthday at the pool and Kestan and Uncle Matt had similar hats and they are both too cute. I am looking forward to Fall but I know once it's here it will remind me of just how fast this summer has flown by.

1. This guy, my husband. I am constantly reminded of how lucky I am to have him in my life and as my partner. He continues to be so very kind, thoughtful, HILarious and amazing. He puts up with my quirkiness, he encourages me to sing and to do anything else creative I chose to do, he challenges me, entertains me, supports me and accepts all of me. There is nothing like driving just about anywhere with him by my side.

We are far more similar than different.

2010-08-11T20:46:00.000-07:00

the above pictures i took on our last road trip. the good ol' midwest. i must have some country blood in me because i LOVE huge white clouds on top of acres of green land, or miles of corn and farmland. and by country blood i mean i love the space, the land, the fresh air, and the nature.

i met a guy today that i was introduced to beforehand as a christian. i had no expectations for meeting him. however once i met him i quickly realized his words did not seem very 'christian' to me. now, i never expect ANYone i ever meet to be perfect. but i also think some people want to claim to be 'christian' without actually acting like any sense of the word and what it was intended to be. this adult man said rude things about some middle school kids he knew that were on a wrestling team, he called his co-worker "crazy sarah" and questioned her upcoming baptism. he mentioned growing up around bible study groups and attending various christian camps growing up... but what does that all add up to in the end? true, he is working to try and help young people and i have to commend him on that. BUT, could he not be more conscious of the words he says? could he not behave more positively in order to match his words and actions to his 'christian' title?

i ask this to you; what do you think when you come across people that claim to be one thing or another? because i think we are conditioned to find a nitch, a group, attach to a label that may describe one part of us or all of us. a lot of these titles tend to separate us when at the end of the day i think most people believe in being a good person and living well regardless of what you do on sunday mornings. now this is where some of the judgments, guilt, and separateness that comes up and forces everyone to choose the group in which they want to follow, or even more difficult to understand (to some) they choose to be a part of the group that does not attend church. at all. can you believe it? now, would you be up for believing that you who attends church twice a week might have similar beliefs as this other person who attends twice a year? yet your practices are different, but what if you believe similar things?

i get frustrated by closed minded people. i do not like when someone claims to be something and their actions say the opposite of their 'title'. i fear some people will look at those with the 'titles' and their lack of compassion, honesty, and goodness and expect everyone with some sort of faith to be the same. it just isn't so. i get frustrated by people claiming to be christian, accepting and loving, yet they have a list of certain type of people they will not interact with, therefore proving the very opposite.

side note, i do know several christians that act very closely to their beliefs and bottom line, they are good people doing their very best and that is important to think about too.

this is something we could talk about for days, that is if you were up for discussing it. seriously though, can we just admit that we are much more alike than separate? and regardless how we got here, we are here. and we are here together... might as well work together, eh?

peace.

Omaha

2010-08-01T18:16:00.000-07:00

This past weekend Matt and I spent Friday night at my good friend Ashleigh’s new house with her husband, her twin sister (my equally as good of friend) Megan and her husband. You know when you get busy with life and don’t make time to spend with the friends that you really love? And then once you get to it just feels great?! I love those people and pretty much always have a good time when we are together, however this was even more exciting because it has been a long time since we all since sat down together for dinner and then some great conversations during dessert.

There is some sense of peace I find driving through the countryside, the farms, the overall space. It feels real and natural and I find it to be extremely beautiful. We came across a few industrial plants where their pollutants clearly spewed into the sky and those fumes acted like another big white puffy cloud and it made us really think about where all of the things we consume come from. It made us realize that we were definitely more drawn to the space and realness of it all and wanted to continue this apparent never ending journey of trying to become more educated and then do something positive with that information.

The next afternoon we left for Omaha to spend the next 24 hours at my cousin’s wedding. This is a cousin from my dad’s side of the family and to give you a quick run down my dad is one of ten children and each of those kids has at least two kids. And then most of those kids has a kid or two too… basically a good estimate would be this; I have 18 aunts and uncles, about 50 cousins and 23 second cousins just on my dad’s side of the family.

As you can guess with this amount of people plus a bunch of other people we’ve never met that leaves little time to talk with anyone for more then a few minutes. You never have a chance to greet everyone, and the people you do talk to you get the amount of time it takes to ‘catch up’ since the last time you saw them. “Are you still working there?”… “Where are you living at now?”… “How’s married life?”… And occasionally you get a chance to ask something to find out new and interesting information… “Where have you traveled recently?”…”When are you due?” (addressed of course to the three cousin’s that happen to be pregnant at the same time). It is of course good to see everyone and happy that they are doing well, however it always feels so rushed and has little chance to get real that it is usually a whirlwind of greetings and hugging goodbye saying “Sorry we didn’t get a chance to talk more…”

It also makes for a good time for our immediate family to hang out. We drove up with my brother and his girlfriend. And then we drove home with my sister and her family. My nephew Kestan just started saying the L in Lindsay and has for the past 2 ½ years referred to me as ‘sinny’. Last Saturday when I babysat him we spent a few minutes working on the L in Lindsay and he became so dramatic with it, it just made me laugh and we moved on to something more fun. Yesterday at the hotel he all of a sudden said “Lindsay, look!” And he wanted me to watch as his mom helped him put his shoes on. We praised him for saying Lindsay and I high fived him as we both said “booya!” It was just a few minutes later that he started to refer to me as “Linds” and it just melted my heart. That kid is too cute. He is at the hilarious, crazy, awesome age of learning great things every single day but still being a toddler and overall just a joy to be around.

I do not sleep well at hotels. It usually takes me a while to fall asleep in general so double that issue by 2 when it comes to hotels. I am also a self proclaimed semi-germaphobe so you can imagine where my minds goes the second I step in to any hotel room, I refuse to step foot on the bathroom floor until there are towels spread about. However, I love not having a schedule, and as much as I love our dogs and our home, it is great to have a break and be in a place where I have nothing to clean, no dishes or laundry to do, and we can just be.
Lastly, this weekend with tons of family, sharing car rides, sharing a room with the duh’s! (yes we are trying to save some moola, and sharing a room turned out to be not so bad at all) it just reaffirmed how sweet and kind and totally hilarious my husband is. I am very lucky and blessed and at the end of the day I am thrilled to be home with our dogs relaxing for a few hours before another busy week rolls on. Peace.

Let's call her Sara...

2010-07-22T18:50:00.000-07:00

Last week I had the worst family meeting I have ever had with a family. I reluctantly went back over to my client's (a thirteen year old girl) moms' house where she spends only a few court appointed hours with her a week. I went over in hopes that our second meeting would be better than our first, and I was wrong. I did everything I could to re-direct the mom when she went off again and started bringing up awful stories from the past, how awful her lawyers were, the judge lies, I was against them, everything she could do to blame everyone else for all of her problems and do absolutely nothing on her part to try and help the situation they were in. My biggest problem with all of this, despite the fact the mom didn't listen, despite the fact that her adult brother joined the yelling fit and spewed hateful things all around the room, even despite the fact that it was so uncomfortable I considered sneaking out the sliding glass door that was right behind me without saying a word to them.... my biggest problem with all of this was that the thirteen year old girl sat silently beside me during all of this. I kept trying to bring that to their attention; what you are saying is not appropriate to say when she is in the room!! But she didn't care. The mom was the most inappropriate, ignorant, irresponsible mom I have ever met with and clearly the irresponsible behavior runs in the family. The mom did not care that not only had this girl been through hell by some of the true stories she just yelled about, but now, this mom is keeping her in hell by her continued idiotic actions. By the end of the meeting I miraculously managed to wrap things up somewhat positively and the mom even said 'have a nice night' as I left, which was the total opposite of her 'I don't care what the judge thinks, and I don't care what you think!' rant a few minutes earlier.

Cut to yesterday I get to meet with my client again thankfully this time we have an individual meeting and her mom is a good few miles away from us. This meeting I tried to de-brief her about that last meeting and make sure she understood the original point of our meeting. She said she felt embarrassed by what her mom and uncle had said and she felt herself getting red sploches on her arms and chest because that's what happens when she gets uncomfortable. A while later I asked her what a healthy relationship is and she said it's one where you argue just a little bit but mostly get along. She then went on to say she thinks people should 'feel whole' before they get in to a relationship because what if that person leaves and then you are less whole? That didn't make sense to her. This girl is having to learn what a healthy relationship is but what she DOESN'T see. She has to imagine what a good relationship is and she has to guess how she thinks she should be treated. She also went on to say that she feels like her parents are racist and that makes her uncomfortable and she doesn't want to be racist. I explained to her that the cool thing about that was that she didn't have to be racist.. she didn't have to think everything her parents thought and that made her smile. This is the first time in her life where she is feeling more comfortable forming her own thoughts regardless of what people say around her and I think that's great. This is a case where I don't think I will ever help her parents, but I think she has stepped up and started to make better decisions for herself and in turn she is open to changing for the better. She is still hopeful and that makes me hopeful for her.

What a difference a week can make!

Day at the zoo

2010-07-11T17:48:00.001-07:00

This past weekend we had our nephew on Matt's side over (Hayden) for a day and a sleep over at our house. We started the day with a very fun trip to the zoo. I packed us a lunch and the weather turned out to be beautiful. Almost all of the animals were out and enjoyed a nice tram ride to break up all the walking, which by the way I bought new sandals from Target and wore them for those four hours of walking. Not. Smart. Also turns out the sandals are really uncomfortable. Not. Cool. After the zoo we came home to rest for a few minutes then headed over to my mom's neighborhood pool and spent some time with the Duh family (my sister's family). After all that fun and excitement we went to our favorite pizza place for cool salads and delicious pizza (one with pesto sauce soooo good). We spent the rest of the night at home playing tony hawk skateboarding game on the x-box, doing star wars mad libs, and burping contests, you know all the things an 11 year old boy wants to do. :) It was very fun having Hayden and I know he enjoys some time apart from his siblings to have his own time with us. We plan to have his older brother, Matthew over before the summer is up too. We like taking advantage of the time we have available now to do get to build these special times with our families.

so much to say

2010-07-09T20:13:00.000-07:00

open up my head aaaannd let me innnn, little baybaayy! -dave matthews, anyone? i seriously feel like i have brilliant things to say almost all of the time until i sit to write a new blog post. mainly because i don't have pictures. i mean, who wants to just read words, right? get a book! but really, we have just finished our first week without cable. NO cable. when i was on the phone with time warner the lady seemed shocked at the idea of canceling ALL cable, i mean what about this package, or this one... nope, we're good, thanks lady. to be honest i have not missed it. the only times i miss it are when i want to turn on something ridiculous to have as background noise while i work (i work from home) and what good does that do? it makes me feel bad for people that feel forced to watch the actual trash that is on during the day, the judge shows, the springer shows, just crap in my opinion. i have found myself being on the computer more and have not chosen to read any more than usual. i have been able to accomplish some things i have been putting off like cleaning and organizing my art room, getting rid of gross cleaning chemicals under the sink, i mean cool stuff like that. so far netflix has been awesome. new reccommendation: the movie 'god grew tired of us' a documentary about refugees from sudan that get the chance to come to america, very interesting. and of course old office and scrubs episodes. we did not get rid of cable to stop watching shows, but i do find myself watching things more intentionally like to educate myself on something or open my eyes to a new way of living, etc. rather than watching anything to pass the time.
matt and i have enjoyed way more dinners at our kitchen table then in front of the t.v. together. if you already do this this may sound simple to you, and it is, but if you have the tendancy to eat in front of the t.v. together, i would say try not to one night and you will probably enjoy it. it's a little like that seinfeld episode when kramer freaks out about the idea of getting married and thinks that all couples do is sit around saying 'how was your day'... 'well how was your day'.. 'what kind of day was it?'. but it's a great time to check in and the conversations might get awesome, you never know.
we are having matt's nephew (mine too of course, but usually my friends think of kestan when i say that) over tomorrow and we plan to go to the zoo, the pool, and out for pizza, what's better than that? it's very cute because he is excited to get to spend his own time away from his siblings with his favorite aunt and uncle (i made up the favorite part, but i do think he thinks we're pretty cool which is nice). right now kestan's favorite people are nana and bupbup (grandma and grandpa) and if they are around i don't exist which i can handle because it so sweet to see them interact with him and his face just lights up when they are around.
i sit now in a quiet house when all the dogs are asleep, even my brother's wildly energetic dog that we are dogsitting for the weekend.. and i revel in the space, the peace, and the freedom to do whatever the heck we want. i know that someday sonner than later we will have a not so quiet house and more things we need to do as our family begins to grow and i will revel in that time just as i do today.
hey here's a really cool picture of a mountain, and then a beach, and then a monkey, what?! alright seriously no pictures, just words. that's all i've got for now. next post and or book chapter will be about my new clients. i still am amazed that in my line of work people invite us into their homes and openly discuss everything they'd like to change about their lives. very very interesting.
hope you have a good weekend!

Update: our garden

2010-07-02T14:06:00.000-07:00

So we started with this...

Next thing we know that space is covered in green! And the squash quickly started to grow up our porch, sprouting flowers and what I assume are squash (I've never grown them before).

We have three more tomatoes growing.. and I say more because we used to have three huge ones that a damn squirrel took! These next three are getting covered with cayenne pepper in hopes of keeping critters away.

A baby cucumber sprouting!

A string of cucumbers! I planted way too many radishes and carrots in too small of a space. So because they didn't have enough room to grow, I decided to pull all of them up and give the cucumbers, tomatoes, and squash some real room to grow and hopefully plant a little wiser next year. I was just so excited that some thing was growing, I didn't really plan out the space as well as I could have.

Carrots are supposed to be a little bigger than radishes, right? :)

At least our fresh basil is going crazy and we have one cute green pepper growing too.

Weekend at the lake!

2010-06-17T08:44:00.000-07:00

We happily accepted the offer our friend's gave us to stay at their parents' lake house. We grilled on the patio, rode jet ski's, kayaked around the cove, experienced nature, relaxed, played games, pretty much had a wonderful weekend with good friends. I LOVE just being outside and I also LOVE not having a schedule. At one point on Saturday after we drove around in a rhino (basically a fast off roadin' golf cart) it rained for a little bit and it was perfect time to watch a movie inside and take a nap. But right after the rain the sun was shining and we were back outside.

Saturday night we sat out on the porch, talked for hours, and played Scattergories and Taboo which turned out to be hilarious and so fun!

Hey handsome!!

Oh and I lost my favorite red pair of sunglasses, so I was wearing my white ones and they broke on the trip home. Now I am forced to wear my small black back up pair... I guess I could buy new ones at some point....

And so it goes...

2010-06-10T21:58:00.001-07:00

Matt and I went to a ‘visitation’ tonight for one of the women I coach with, her dad passed away a few nights ago from a sudden heart attack, he was in relatively good shape and was only 49 years old. I heard the news from the head coach over the phone on Sunday and immediately was struck with how much pain she is probably feeling. But then thirty minutes or so after I had hung up the phone we are back to our normal Sunday. I said a prayer, I thought about her, her brother, and her mom. I felt at a loss of what to do next that could possibly help them in any way. A few days later I received the email about the visitation and quickly realized I have never been to a visitation, only funerals. I guess the point of the visitation is to give the guests the guaranteed opportunity to speak with the family at the funeral home and typically the casket is set up at the front of the room surrounded by flowers. I wonder if this gives any sort of relief for the family during the actual funeral… seeing how they have already talked to most everyone in attendance, now they can just be, whatever that may look like. Now thinking about a casket being set up and then actually seeing one is a far different story. I am a big believer in donating any parts to Science if you can, once someone passes, and then cremation. I have never believed in the Spirit so much until I had the blessing of holding my Grandma’s hand as she left this world. I knew that she was with us, and then she wasn’t, her Spirit was no longer attached to her body. And to continue to see her body without her Spirit didn’t feel right.
We walk into the funeral home, which I must say was a very beautiful cemetery, I could never imagine choosing to be there obviously, working there, or anything like that. But another beautiful Spirit was laid to rest here as well and I find it a warm place to be. We were greeted by a tall man in black, quickly escorted down the long long line of people waiting to speak to the family. We stood in line, swayed in silence, and overheard a few meaningless conversations about who banks where, what engineering firm is best, and the great fall of something called the big 12…. All good distractions from why we were really there. Throughout the guests walking in I said hello to two other coaches, a few parents and players too, we all found very little to say to one another but only today.
We all go through our own pain and hurt, this I know. But when you are in the midst of someone else’s nightmare, it silences everything else.
We make our way closer to the family and finally enter the room where a dvd is playing on a big screen, quietly showing pictures, and glimpses of this man’s life and the family he has created. His childhood, his awkward years, some great photos from college, then moving on to his wedding and his two children. Very regular, every day photos that made you think this could be almost anyone you know. This could have been your uncle, friend, co-worker, anyone. Just past this room you turn and can see the family. You see the wife you have never met but instantly empathize and just saw her once smiling face attached to the man that is now stuck ten feet behind her in a casket. And then I see the coach, my acquaintance that I’d rather just say is a friend, not because of this, but because I know we have grown closer this year than ever before and I have appreciated that connection. I see her as she shakes hands, hugs, and warmly greets the dozens of people down a line that seems to never end.
As we get closer Matt realizes I am about to lose it, and by ‘it’ I mean my tears, I am on the verge of gushing tears. Why? Because I hurt for this family and I feel like on any given day it could be any one of us and that terrifies me. So through my glossy eyes I look back at my husband and say “quick, make me laugh”. This may seem totally inappropriate to some of you, but to me, it was the perfect time to have my hilarious husband come up with something ridiculous to take my mind off my thoughts even just for a few seconds. I just wanted to make it to the parking lot until I started crying. I didn’t want to show this person who had been through hell that I was crying too. I feared that somehow I would add to her pain when all I wanted to do was to telepathically send her strength, and if I couldn’t do that for some reason then I at least wanted to act strong by not crying in front of her.
So Matt pulled out a great load of quotes from an Arrested Development episode, one of our favorite shows. And although it only last ten seconds, that relief of not crying felt like twenty minutes. I finally felt myself breath again and even though I was softly pinching my hand (to keep my mind off the pain around us, the casket, the flowers, the older women that were crying and shaking). Suddenly we were standing next to her mom, I don’t even want to pretend that I introduced myself properly and said something eloquent as she saw the tears swell up in my eyes and I looked through her very tired dry eyes as she nodded us past. Next to her was the woman I coach with and we hugged immediately, I said I was sorry, ‘sorry I tried to keep it together’, she quietly laughed and said ‘it’s okay to cry, I thought I would have stopped by now but I can’t.” She almost seemed relieved that I was tearing up and we hugged at least three more times, mostly by my forcing, if I don’t know how to help you, I am at the very least going to hug you more than twice, that’s my rule. We hurried to the exit as I had told Matt that is what I wanted to do after we spoke with the family. I didn’t know what else to do, if we stuck around there I would have cried more in front of strangers and I wasn’t sure what to do with that. I just felt like once we had ‘paid our respects’ it was better if we excused ourselves and thankfully I knew we had lovely plans waiting for us at home as my dad was planning on joining us for dinner. This thought made me feel sad (for those that can’t have those plans) and infinitely grateful for having my dad in my life and also living so closely.

What do we take from all of this? Probably a dozen things or nothing. But I hope it can look something like this; new found perspective for every single day you wake up and the sun is shining. Taking full advantage of every chance you get to spend time with your family and loved ones. Feeling grateful for everyone and everything in your life because it could always be worse. Not wasting time on the little things that don’t matter. Reminder to be more kind to yourself and those around you, because everyone is going through something. Find something in your life that brings you joy, or comfort, or love and cherish it, it may be the very same thing that helps you through the most difficult time of your life.

Memorial Day weekend

2010-06-01T12:24:00.000-07:00

Obviously all weekends should be three days long instead of two, am I right? My husband and I had the best weekend we have had in a long time! We went running a few times, played tennis in the heat, and ate really good food. My garden is actually growing, can ya believe it?!

We made delicious chicken tacos with fresh lettace right from our front yard (tomatoes and basil too). I loved the idea of growing our own veggies and this lil' garden has been a fun start.

Matt and I also went to the Kaufman gardens and took lots of pictures of all the beautiful flowers.

We also went out to a great lunch and then spent an afternoon at a museum, it was a lovely day.

On top of all of our fun adventures, we had plenty of time to relax (watched 'young at heart' -very sweet, I reccommend you watch it), we had a house guest all weekend long...

My brother's dog Bodhi spent hours running and playing with our dogs, he is oh so tiny so we had to keep an eye on them playing but they wore each other out and had a great time.

LOVE these kinds of weekends, but they sure make it harder to go back to work.... hope you had a good weekend too!

Now what...

2010-05-20T18:40:00.001-07:00

I am finished coaching softball for the year and it has freed up my afternoon and evenings a lot! You'd think I would be bloggin more? But instead I have been cooking more. We are shopping a little smarter and trying a few new dishes out that have so far been delicious. I have had more eggplant and mushrooms the past two weeks then I have my entire life. That will sound gross if you hate those two things, but if you don't, you know that it is actually really good. Our weekends are still filling up with plans, which is always fun but sometimes makes the days just fly by even faster then they normally do.

I sometimes think of all the funny things I could type on here, but then I think they won't turn out as funny as I'd hoped.

I do know that it has been raining all day long, and after being out all day long I definitely look forward to being cozily at home, and watching our favorite shows that all happen to be on the same night (30 rock -our most favorite, the office, community and parks and rec. just greatness). There have been some sad events that have happened to people I know recently and of course just more tragic stuff you see on the news, but after all that it makes a peaceful night of laughter even more appreciated.
It is worth it to try and be present, and kinder to yourself and the people around you.

Pizza pizza pizza!

2010-05-15T21:45:00.000-07:00

Okay so, through an unpleasant allergy season and a visit or two to the doctor we both realized that it might be best if we avoid dairy for a while and just because we want to; change our diet to become more fresh and organic. Yes it is a little bit more expensive, but if you are smart about your purchases, it is totally worth it. I haven't missed dairy at all but Matt has and he has been craving pizza for about a week. We decided to run to our local Hy-Vee and buy honey wheat crust, pesto sauce mixed with a little tomato sauce, artichoke hearts, and goat's cheese... yes it may sound weird, but trust me, not only is it rich and delicious, but it is good for anyone who has had issues with dairy.

It turned out great!! We have another crust waiting to be baked in the fridge and I think next time we will add some sun dried tomatoes... and whatever else sounds yummy at the time. Just thought we would share.... thanks!

The time is now

2010-05-03T09:29:00.000-07:00

We went to Iowa this weekend for my Grandma's funeral. It was a beautiful ceremony and service and I know she would have been happy with out everything turned out. It was nice seeing cousins we had not seen in a while too. My husband, brother and I enjoyed driving up together and had perfect weather the entire time. It reaffirmed the things I keep telling myself every day "stay present, live peacefully, and joyfully". Life is too short, even 91 years is too short to not live how you genuinely want to live. To be kind to yourself and those around you. To be true to yourself and make the decision to live well. Take advantage of the time you have with your loved ones. Say what you feel. Your life is worth living happily.

The night we got into town we went out to dinner and walked around downtown Des Moines. It was a great time being with her family and catching up on sweet Grandma stories.

The sun was shining all day long.

The bagpipe played 'Amazing Grace' in the sunshine.

The pink boa my Grandma wore for special occassions was laid to rest with her that day.

On second thought...

2010-04-26T17:34:00.000-07:00

I think it would be an honor to have the President of the United States give the commencement speech at my high school graduation, and even cooler if it was Barack Obama giving the speech. The school that I coach at is one of six top schools that could get chosen to have President Obama give the commencement speech this May. I talked to a few people that are in that district and or work at that school and they made their opinions known that they did not want Obama to come to their school. Their only reason was they don't agree with him politically and "I don't like him". I quickly said, "well, I do.." and wanted to make sure everyone didn't appear to be sheeps agreeing with only those who spoke the loudest. I didn't want to keep my mouth quiet like I might in some other cases because I don't want to make people feel uncomfortable. But when they were being so over the top on their disagreeing with the possibility I had to say my opinion too.
Here's my problem, these were the same people (mixed with a lot of other people) saying if you don't support George W. Bush then you are unpatriotic, but if you don't support Obama, then you're a Republican. It seems to be very hypocritical and somewhat ignorant. Not only that, the school district is a very wealthy one, and about 95% of the kids in this area have had a very privileged life thus far. Also, 93% of the kids graduating will be going to college. Perhaps President Obama should be speaking to 1,700 kids that might appreciate the value of his message much more. The ones that truly need that inspiration and hope for tomorrow. To hear about first hand, the realistic work that it takes to achieve almost anything, the ability to have compassion for others and then do something positive about it, and the power to not rule by fear and bullying behavior no matter how much someone else wants you to.
Although, it might be nice to have him come here and let those irrational jerks shut up for a few minutes, and let him see that he does have support through this very red state. However I know some people are already wasting their time planning pickets, and boycotts and forcing their kids to swallow the same garbage they continue to believe despite reality.

At the end of the day you can believe what you want, and I will do the same. The easiest thing we can do is agree to disagree with respect and hope that those choosing to be ignorant will still gain some insight at some point in their lives. Regardless of any political party, the desire to see our communities and this country go in a positive direction should be the goal. Showing that it's important to be a good person and educate yourself rather then cling to a title that you don't quite understand. I do know one thing, it will all work out, and we've all got much more important things to worry about. Like, here's hoping the rain helps my newly planted garden grow...

Lemon out.

Garden time....

2010-04-25T14:21:00.000-07:00

Our garden space started like this...

After a fun trip to the store with my dad, we picked out some wonderful flower plants and vegetables. A few hours later our garden is starting to look very lovely. I have been wanting to do this for a while now, and I am very excited to see what will thrive. I love the idea of being able to step outside our front door, pick a few veggies and get to eat them for dinner.

We have two new colorful flowers, basil, two types of tomatoes, squash, green peppers, and organic lettuce, carrots, cucumbers, radish and a third set of tomatoes. Love it !

Food Inc.

2010-04-24T19:31:00.001-07:00

Have you seen it yet? If not, do yourself a favor and see it! It lowers the veil from the food corporations of America and their intent of bigger, faster, and more money. Scientifically changing the genetics of chickens so they will grow bigger white meat areas in order to gain a larger profit, never mind the fact that these chickens are kept in the worst possible conditions, most never seeing sunlight, and all only able to take two steps before the collapse back to the ground because they can not handle the weight. It is completely eye opening and charges this desire to become more educated on such an important issue, the stuff you CHOSE to put into your body. Where does it come from? How are the animals raised and treated? How does the system work that treats the factory workers almost as poorly as the animals? The biggest thing I got from this movie was that the companies produce the things the majority of customers want. If you don't buy it, it will eventually go away (this is how the tobacco industry lost a ton of money). Not only that, but if you show the demand for better quality food, the product will continue to show up at your grocery store. Buying local is HUGE, think about the journey each one of your items has to travel (typically 1500 miles to reach your plate) unless you truly buy locally. Think of it this way; every time you buy a product, you are adding a vote to keep that product going.
I rarely eat fast food but this movie makes me never want to eat any of it ever again. It takes a conscious effort to care, then to educate yourself, and yes sometimes the extra dollar to make the change. Personally, I think it is and will continue to be completely worth it. And even our very small attempt at a garden (about to include tomatoes, basil, lettuce, peppers) makes a difference. Make the change, one bite at a time.
:)
http://www.foodincmovie.com/about-the-issues.php

Concert

2010-04-17T18:19:00.001-07:00

Hey! Last night my sister and I went to see Ani Difranco live in concert. This was our second time seeing her, and she is awesome. She is and always has been very brave with her open and honest lyrics, she is an activist and fights for women and gay rights and she puts on one heck of a show. Ani has some very sweet slow songs, some of which I have fun attempting to play on the guitar, while others shake the stage and I stand in awe as the beautiful sounds swing by. We started the evening with dinner out to a delicious restaurant and then made our way to the show. The opening act was a man named Buddy Wakefield. He is a poet and performs with a sweet intensity. He spoke about the difficulties of his childhood and he too, yearned for better treatment of all human beings.

As we fought our way to a decent spot in a standing room only floor, one tall person after the other, followed by someone with big hair, each would take their sweet time blocking our view. I tried to guard my pregnant sister as people pushed passed, not to mention the geniuses behind us that lifted their friend into the air when she wasn't ready. Not cool. I spent my time swaying opposite directions as the person in front of me who happened to be my same height. I managed to see 1/4 of Ani's body throughout the show, luckily it happened to be her face, or her guitar which is also amazing to watch as she frantically moves her tiny hands up and down the neck of the guitar while her other hand beats rhythmically against the guitar. As I sway to the right I get a perfect view of the stage, sway to the left I can still kind of see but then I get a wiff of the young man standing next to me, a mixture of sweat and smoke. A few minutes later we find ourselves in a slightly better location yet the girl in front of me is carrying a bag half her size and the bottom of the purse is pointed my direction. As the purse slid across my forearm my germaphobe side immediately imagines all the disgusting places the bottom of that purse has been laid (bathrooms, taxis, etc.) My mind jolts back into the music and I am present again.

There is a woman around my age standing about four people in front of us and she is the most physically into a show I have ever seen. She jumps and sways, shifts her body with every beat. She shot her hands up to the sky as if she was having some religious experience, and actually to her, I think she was. At first you might be annoyed to stand right behind her due to all the sporadic movements continuously blocking your view of the stage, but every time I looked at her, I couldn't help but smile. She was being so open around all these strangers. She was so touched by the music she didn't let any insecurities hold her back and I thought that was great. Usually I will sway, tap my feet, and occasionally do a little dance at a show, but nothing compared to what this woman was doing. After all that people watching it is so easy to get caught up in what other people look like, their clothes, their hair, accessories, but this woman made the experience completely about the music and I found it to be refreshing.

So then I wonder why do we even go to concerts? To fight the crowds, smells, germs, I could go on.... But then I get goosebumps during one of Ani's glorious tangents about the government and women's rights I remember I go to shows for inspiration. I want to see this artist perform live and support the brave work she continues to do. She speaks her mind, she cares about where the direction of our world is going and how people are treating one another, she wants equal rights for all, she cares about the Earth, plus she makes rockin' music. You definitely don't have to agree with her views and I am sure there are plenty of people who despise her because of her views, but isn't that what it's all about? Figuring out your own path, exploring what you believe to be true, and ultimately (hopefully) creating a journey where not only you are happy, but you care about the people next to you and you wish them a life free from suffering.

And now I wonder, what makes you inspired? Where do you find it?

Neti what?

2010-04-10T20:18:00.001-07:00

Matt has bad allergies and today his eyes started to get blood shot because of them. After dinner out at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants (that always makes us think of the delicious food we had on our honeymoon) we went to CVS and bought a 'neti pot', ya know one of those tea pots that you drip water through your nose in order to hopefully clear out all your sinuses (I always think of Dwight Schrute using it on the first season of The Office). Of course we had to document this unusual new purchase in use.

I was trying my best to be supportive. Not too sure if the neti pot did it's job or not, but let's hope so !

Also, while at CVS we found an adorable dog bed that I thought was the perfect little size for Ellie. The second we bring it home I put it on the ground and encouraged Ellie to get on it... within thirty seconds she walked by it and Jaxon quickly placed himself on top of it and has not moved since.

Apparently it will be Jaxon's new bed as Ellie is reluctant to give up her spot on Jaxon's oversized bed.

Happy Easter!

2010-04-04T16:08:00.000-07:00

We woke up kind of early this morning and took care of a lot of house work, cleaning, and we got out some more spring clothes (it felt nice to pack up some sweaters and to get rid of some other clothes). We went to church with my mom and Steve then spent the day at my mom's house eating a delicious meal (grilled salmon, asparagus, sweet potatoes, rice and pasta, SO good! We spent the rest of the afternoon catching up and playing with my brother's new dog. He is SO tiny but soooo cute. My brother originally wanted a bigger dog, but I think he (and his girlfriend) fell in love with this little guy, and he just couldn't help himself. It's funny when you first get an animal like a dog and when you don't have kids yet, you ask questions as if they just had a child... is he sleeping through the night? how's potty training going?

He is a very sweet pup, and hops like a gazelle through the grass until he wears himself out. Also, the weather was gorgeous today! I hope it stays like this throughout the week. Hope you had a nice day!

Have you ever felt...

2010-04-02T21:41:00.000-07:00

like the people you are with don't really 'get' you? I was at a dinner with the other coach's that I work with and this is the third year I have worked with these women. Each year gets more comfortable and we all get in some sort of a groove working side by side, however I have known from day one that I don't have a ton in common with these other women. We don't like the same t.v. shows, we don't spend our time talking about similar things, I am sure we don't listen to the same kind of music, and overall these things hinder the level of conversations we can really have. The past few days I have noticed that sometimes when I am in this particular group I tend to laugh at things that I normally would not laugh at. Also, I will come home with stories to tell my husband about something funny that happened at practice, but as soon as I repeat the story at home, I quickly realize that it was not that funny at all. Does anyone else do this? It's like because of your environment your sense of humor gets temporarily warped. So then I have to end the story with not only 'you shoulda been there...' but a 'guess it was funnier at work' or even a 'the sunshine made me feel dizzy and it made things even more funny at the time'...
Cut to dinner tonight, one of the coaches makes a little sarcastic remark to another nothing statement and the whole table erupts in laughter. Right after that, one coach proclaims to the other 'you are now my funniest friend.... it's so nice to have a friend that is funny too, because i have to be the funny one all the time and now i finally have someone who can be funny!'

Let this sink in for a minute...

Now, I don't think this was a kick to my ego AT ALL. But I will admit that I have spent the last 15 years or so trying to make people laugh and have been pretty successful at it. I know there are plenty of people funnier then me, but I will give myself credit when it is due. I am not great at math, I will do anything but file my own taxes, I like cleaning but HATE dusting, I immediately throw away almost all directions to anything because I won't take the time to read them, I am a semi-germaphobe, I am awful with geography but I continue to try to get better at it..... all of these things are tiny pieces of me, but the point is I do some things well and other things I need to work on. Comedy, is not one of them. I can make people laugh. And when I was surrounded with things that I found un-funny but next to people that couldn't stop laughing, I just... I was .... appalled. Not to sound too dramatic, but I was. I almost felt like it was a competition that I never signed up for. Yet I was ready to compete.

(Next, the funky bass sounds from Seinfeld play as this rapidly turns into the next episode)

Laughter

2010-03-28T01:25:00.000-07:00

I quickly realized how boring my last post was, so don't worry, at least I am aware of it and will hopefully not make the same mistake twice. I find myself up during the night which does not happen that often at all (thankfully) but I can NOT fall asleep again. I have slept for a few hours and then find myself incapable of going back to sleep so... what better to do then, by the way I always forget if it's then or than... anyone want to set me straight on this one? What to do next.... look up funny outtakes of course! After a long day, long week, or even a normal day I LOVE having any reason to laugh because I think it is so important for the human psyche. Find me someone who doesn't laugh, and I will say they are unhappy. Isn't that the boldest statement you've ever heard? Probably not, right? But still... laughter is hugely important and I hope everyone (in the world of course) but if not, at least whoever is reading this finds themselves in funny situations or if nothing else can laugh by yourself in the car driving home from work.
FOR INSTANCE; Friday night I found myself at a stoplight staring at a guy who was dressed as the statue of liberty (I assume it was one of those odd advertisements for tax day but I'm not quite sure considering it is literally a guy, probably 23, dressed in a hoodie and jeans but with a bright green toga type outfit and a matching queen like hat). As I watched him he randomly broke out into dance, I could tell he had headphones in and it was obvious he was listening to music. So I appreciated his ability to stand on a very busy street corner and just dance while showing his face. For some reason I think I could totally do that if I had some sort of a mask, but that is just lame. This guy was going to town on his random and quite spastic moves but I had to laugh because as I sat and watched him I quickly flipped through the (mostly) awful radio stations and was pleased to find that Cher's "do you believe in love" was on... normally I would change the channel so fast but in this situation it perfectly fit, and it cracked me up that this guy happened to be listening to "do you BElieve in love after life...." on repeat, which by the way, that's what I think she is saying I don't actually know.
Similar situation about a week ago I was on a busy highway about 5 p.m. and ready to be home. I sometimes like to listen to Enya on the way home because not only is it better than any talk or music on the radio but I find it to be very relaxing. Well, my Enya cd was not within reach and I had to settle for whatever I could find on the radio. As I am getting comfortable with the tunes, I notice a car driving so very close behind me that I could not see his front lights. Now, that is way to close for comfort in my opinion and I found that very annoying. First of all, if I am driving slow (or the exact speed limit) I always put myself in a lane in the middle or far right to make it easy for people to pass me. For whatever reason this dude would not pass me, and spent about a minute huffing and puffing behind me until FINALLY he got in a lane next to me. But when he made this lane switch he was within inches of hitting the back of my car. In my anger, yet serene environment in my car (because I so happened to be listening to Bette Midler's 'God is watching us') and as he passed throwing his hands up in the air, I gave him a 'thumbs up' as I was singing 'God is watching ussssss... from a distance'.
Now if you've never spent some time with me, or heard of any of these songs, I probably sound like a crazy person. But I will encourage any sort of hilarity to ensue on your end of things because we need more of that in this world. Thanks for reading!

And in case you want some of 'The Office' outtakes please check this out.... and I will post some of our home movie outtakes very soon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXYNYjrgfKw

End of the week

2010-03-27T08:04:00.000-07:00

We had our big site review at work on Monday and Tuesday and I could visibly see that my supervisor was nervous about it. After lots of preparation and a kind of intense interview from one of the reviewers, we got really high marks! Not only that, the reviewer expressed his interest in our program and listed all the things we were doing right, in front of my supervisor and the C.E.O. Then I had my performance review with my supervisor on Friday to end the week. She rated me higher than I rated myself on a few things, which I think is kinda of hard (and a little ridiculous) to do anyway... example; rate yourself 1-4 on a list of issues, rate yourself too high and you seem overly confident, rate yourself too low and she questions your ability to do the job well.
So after a couple of longish days and still recovering from traveling over the past weekend, going to softball practice was a welcomed distraction. We were outside a bunch and got the dogs out for several walks, and I was refreshed by the sunshine!
We've had a great start to our weekend and we have NOTHING planned but a hair cut for me, and a trip to Target for a few things, and I love those kind of weekends.

Grandma Sugar

2010-03-20T19:04:00.000-07:00

We heard this past week that my grandma was "not doing very well" and after several visits to the hospital and different spats of bad health, grandma always came back from it, this time we were all pretty worried that she wouldn't. My sister, nephew and I quickly traveled to Minnesota Thursday and spent Thursday night, and all of Friday with my grandma. We had the amazing opportunity to tell her exactly how we feel, let her listen to the calls of loved ones, and even though she was not fully awake, she responded in different ways and I absolutely know she heard everything we said. Several friends, residents, and nurses came by to tell her how they felt and a goodbye just in case. We shared very special moments with nice Chaplains and Hospice, which I could not imagine doing that job every day, we so appreciated their sincerity and kind words.

Thanks to Kestan for being our comic relief during a very difficult time, he would grab a Kleenex and take turns bringing it to me or Shannon saying "for your boogers..." or "please stop, it's okay, stop." Grandma loved laughing and I knew she was smiling on us then.

I have called grandma "sugar" ever since I can remember. She was a charmer, and the best at one liners, and cute phrases. Grandma called little ones her "little sugar sugar" and that is how I began to know her and how our family always referred to her. Grandma would have been 92 years old this June. She created a beautiful family and touched many many lives.

Grandma Sugar will forever be missed. I am so very grateful for Grandma Sugar for many reasons, but especially for her letting us be apart of her journey leaving this Earth. And now she is flying free...

Living well...

2010-03-15T09:22:00.000-07:00

It's usually about this time of year that I get a great desire to work out. Like really work out. I want to ride my bike, I want to get the dogs out more often, I even want to run! I love the layers of winter and the fact that I feel completely comfortable putting on a few pounds, but then I get this itching desire to just kick butt. I made a delicious veggie soup last night; chicken broth, carrots, onions, celery, potatoes, and some yummy seasoning it was great! Why am I writing about this? Maybe to get it out there, to really get it out there and know that this is what I want to follow through on. I have never really been big on 'accountability', meaning if I am going to do something I will do it and if I don't there is a reason for it and that's okay. I work with someone who tells his friend everything he is doing and not doing in order to keep him 'accountable' and I just don't work that way. But maybe for this particular thing I will, I know I am going to do it. I am not setting my goals to losing a certain amount of weight because I just want to healthy overall and even though some days it's annoying, but I just don't focus on the number on the scale, (we don't even own a scale for that very reason). I want to be more fit, and to live well.

That's my 2010 way of thinking, it encompasses so much living well; working out, eating good food, getting good sleep, continuing to make meals together, spending time with loved ones, sleeping in every once in a while, indulging from time to time, continued motivation into loving inspiration!

9 out of 10... really?

2010-03-12T17:42:00.001-08:00

Jaxon enjoying a few quiet minutes alone with his new toy before it disappears.

The pet store said this toy was a 9 out of 10 on the scale of "we promise you your dog will NOT be able to tear through this toy". So we believed them, and we bought it. Ellie is notorious for shredding all of her toys within twenty minutes but we thought the 9 would be a sign that this toy would survive in our house.

And this is what's left of it. Although I will say we had this toy for about five days, the longest any toy has stayed somewhat in tact.

I spent a little of my birthday gift card today by getting a few new art supplies and I am very excited to use them this weekend!

Vanilla tacos!

2010-03-06T20:45:00.001-08:00

This morning I had to wake up early (7 a.m.) for a Saturday and run off to softball practice, which I didn't mind all that much because the sun was actually out and we got to play outside. Once I got home I was pretty tired and managed to get a short nap before Jaxon startled me out of my slumber by yelling at some squirrels that were in our yard. He actually just barks, but the way he does it sounds like he is actually trying to reason with the disturbance and doing everything in his power behind the window to make whatever it is that bothers him stop. Then Matt and I ran some errands and spent a gift card we had at an over priced dog bakery, still very fun getting new treats and a few toys for the pups, and we may have bought some home baked shamrock lookin' cookies. Then we rented a few movies at the red box and bought some groceries. I only mention the grocery part because I think it is a very simple pleasure, yet one I am very grateful for when it comes to being able to buy fresh, delicious food that actually makes me want to cook. We got home and immediately started making these:

Vanilla tacos. The recipe has nothing to do with actual vanilla but because our dear friends Dale and Jamee coined the phrase "Vanilla tacos" because a lot of Matt's friends have always referred to him as "vanilla", mainly because he would wildly sing Vanilla Ice in his dorm room back in the day. Yes, back in the day.

We LOVE these tacos but have not made them for quite some time. Easy delicious recipe and of course make changes where you feel like it: hard shell taco bowls (key ingredient because they add an extra crispy crunch, re fried beans (or black beans if you so chose), ground turkey and after it is cooked Matt likes to melt in some cream cheese (1/3 to 1/2 container), garlic, fresh onions, chopped lettuce, corn and black bean salsa, and then of course thousand island dressing on top, if you think that sounds crazy, please just try it.

On to the movies we watched: 2012, and Everybody's fine. One devastating picture basically about the world coming to an end in the worst possible ways; earth quakes and tsunami's, just awful. Some terrifying images and thoughts could race through your mind when you watch it, but then there is also a calm in the utterly dramatic storm, the fact that it is out of their control. The other one explores a family that is trying to keep things together after their mom passes away and the adult children hide their faults from their surviving father. Both reminded me how quickly time flies and how very short life really is. We have NO CLUE what will happen tomorrow, we can hope, and dream and rely on what happened today but truly we are still at a loss. And that made me want to love even more and breathe deeply and let every last tiny worry I have just fade away. I want to rest easy in the decisions I have made, forgive myself for the mistakes, and continue having compassion and always striving to live well.
Needless to say, I was in need of it's always sunny after watching both of these movies, I don't think I will watch either one again, but I did enjoy seeing them once. Does that make sense?

I am also so very grateful for laughter and the power of a good sense of humor. If nothing else, I crack myself up, so there's that.

Friday night fun

2010-03-05T20:28:00.000-08:00

This past week I started back up coaching softball at a local high school. I really enjoy the fun time spent (mostly) outside and interaction with the high schoolers, plus it's the easiest job I've ever gotten paid for. However, that on top of my full time job starts the season where most days during the week I am away from home from 8:30 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. and that is an adjustment for me. I've began living out of my car again, with several changes of clothes, different shoes, and backup hoodies depending upon the weather. So after a long, but good week full of lots of work the first thing I want to do on a Friday night is be. at. home. Tonight I played with the dogs for a while as they had tons of extra energy, and then clearly we spent a good five minutes putting Matt's winter hat on Ellie.

The sunshine today was incredible!

Lovely Bows!

2010-02-27T06:48:00.000-08:00

Want a cute new gift for your daughter, niece, grand-daughter, or friend? Check out these adorable bows made by my very good friend, Jamee!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/lillisfrillybows

Body

2010-02-25T20:21:00.001-08:00

Laser peel
Face rejuvenation
Eye lift
Tummy tuck
Skin peel
Die your hair
Pluck those brows
Tighten that top
Iron those jeans
Higher heels then before
Wrinkles and white hair

Dry skin
Rolls of your stomach
Embrace it or shame it
Feel it or hide it

If they didn’t tell you how to feel, you would feel good
You would see yourself as you
Your spirit, engulfed in a body form
A body you should be kind to
Smile and enjoy it
Live through your heart not through your shallow eyes

He looks more handsome with age
She must be fake, and hide, runaway

I understand; be healthy, exercise, be fit
But indulge from time to time
Embrace the body you were given
Do not judge others strictly for how they look

Not in this house, in this house you can be fully you
You can look how you feel without being judged
You can eat some fries without feeling guilty
You can run around the block and gain strength within yourself
But it has nothing to do with the faces you meet throughout the day
The bodies that stumble across your page
Walking lightly, feeling empty and confused

After 27 years I have finally come to a place where I accept my body
I don’t always love it, but I accept it and let it be what it needs to be
I feel my skin jiggle as I jump rope, that’s okay
I see the lines in my cheeks from years of laughter and I smile
I have the proof of my enjoyment of life in the mirror

My hands get dry when the weather is cold
I am grateful for the ability to work with my hands
To get a few cuts and scrapes here and there
That’s my body, doing work
Nothing on my body is fake
No extensions
No implants

You do not have to live by the ways of the plastics
You do not have to change yourself in any way
Try to be more real
To think that your clothes define you is ludicrous
You fear the natural sense of the very earth that brought you here

Surround yourself with class
Push yourself towards etiquette
Surgery will fix you
They will accept you once you change

Mark my skin
Change my hair line
Tighten my folds
Shot in the head
Drugs in my body
Mark up my skin

Hammer rock my nose
You get that little tuck
And it makes you feel better about yourself
You think it’s more external than internal, really?!

If your mind was set then you would accept your body!
Your justifications never end
You will either start to love or run out of money

Which will you chose?

A client.

2010-02-25T17:35:00.001-08:00

A teenager trying to raise two more
She was hurt then and they’ve been hurt before

The hypocrisy runs rampant
And the bigotry goes wild

They refuse your solutions
They sulk in their sadness
Never learning
Never changing
Never growing

It’s not your fault, you say?
Your child is no longer your responsibility, why?

The courts have to get involved in order for you to care
About your child’s education

Gratitude falls short
You attach to meaningless details
The money you make you spend like a child
Your future will only look like yesterday
Because you refuse to do anything different

A teenager trying to raise two more
You were hurt then and now you’ve hurt them more

My husband 6 years ago...

2010-02-14T20:02:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day!!

2010-02-14T13:19:00.001-08:00

An afternoon off and spent...

2010-02-11T16:51:00.000-08:00

in a auto body shop! I sat for three hours waiting to have two, yes, just two tires replaced. They had to order the tires but I gave them 45 minutes to make that thirty minute trip. After an hour my car finally moved from out of the parking lot to into the shop. About forty minutes later they informed me that they can't help with the other problem I am having (my fifth gear pops out of place) apparently it could be the transmission, clutch, or both. Awesome. Great, that's fine I get they can't fix that, let's just stick with the original idea and put the new shiny tires on the front, please. Thirty minutes later they tell me the guy who picks up the tires happened to pick up the wrong kind. Finally a few minutes to six, when they place is supposed to close, the lady at the register offers me a free oil change for my time because "that should not have taken that long" she said. I thank her and make a mental note that the only way you would ever get me back in this shop is for something free, however I am not too pumped about it. Why, you ask? There were only a total of four customers during my three hour stay and one of the other guys there also got a free oil change for his time. Because they had just fixed an axle on his car and today he was towed to the shop because the axle wasn't put on properly.

Now this guy was very forgiving to the shop and began to tell me that this place has messed up his car several times. I asked why he keeps coming back and he said "well, I don't know anything about cars, and the guys here always seem genuine about messing up..." So I thought this was an interesting statement. I once had a doctor that was very nice and always seemed to remember who I was and I appreciated this about him. However one day I went to him with serious questions about my restless legs and he did nothing and appeared to not even care. This could be for a number of reason, he may have been having a really long day and was busy, or he may have not taken me seriously because I had never complained of anything before. Another time I saw a doctor who was not personable at all and very cold, yet I knew very quickly that he was smart and knew his stuff. My point? As much as I appreciate a good attitude and kindness, I also enjoy quality service. I noticed in one of the newspaper clippings that was hanging up in the auto body shop had quoted the owner saying "If we don't fix your car right, bring it back in and we'll fix it..." Hmmm... this just left me feeling like they were leaving too much room to mess it up, when they could just fix it right the first time?

Short story long, despite the very loud and annoying customers that are generally in the lobby, I happened to sit next to a guy my age who was very nice (the guy with the axle problem). He happened to notice my wedding ring (very few men do that) however he has been on the look out as he is about to propose to his long time girlfriend as soon as he finds a ring that suits her. I was happy to gush about where we found the ring and how much I love it. This guy said his girlfriend is "artsy and kind of a hippie" which always makes me laugh and right then I knew she and I would have several things in common. All because she would like a ring like mine. It's an odd philosophy but it's the same when I think of a t.v. show that I never watch, if I meet someone who LOVES it, I can almost guarantee that that person and I will have little in common. Here's the Kevin Bacon map to my theory; this guy's girlfriend would like my ring... she's a writer... they both love Colorado... Sarah Palin came on the t.v. in front of us and we both sighed as if we were just dying for her image to go away... in conclusion; artist. fun. likes nature. and open-minded. All over a ring. Another example albeit a short one; a person I work with loves the show Fraiser and we can barely have a conversation because our sense of humor is so very different, leading to our interests and things we like to spend our time on are so very different.

Even though my car will need some more work done in the next few weeks I am happy to have the new tires in place. It's also nice to meet a nice person in an impatient place. Especially when other people won't even make eye contact or they say really rude things loudly in order to draw attention to themselves. Oh, I also spent twenty minutes watching Oprah next to a woman who kept sighing every time the transgendered woman would try to explain her very complicated situation. I just wanted to lean over to her and say "It's okay. It's not you. Just because she is different you don't have to not like her." This woman seemed very upset by this persons' situation and I just felt compelled to try and understand her.

And then I see yet another video of someone getting beat up and bystanders doing just that. Standing there! While the kid gets beat up! What is that? Can we at least pretend to act like the rest of exist and live together? And better yet act like it's okay to be who we all are even if you don't understand it.

Woah I just wrapped up a whole lot of random into one blog, that'll do pig... that'll do.

but wait, there's more!

2010-02-05T11:50:00.001-08:00

Ellie LOVES the snow... Jaxon usually just watches her freak out around the yard and then he eventually joins in the fun. Even though the roads aren't great, and the yard (and dogs) get muddy all over again.... I had fun watching the dogs enjoy their play time and the snow was coming down so hard, and still is!

More Snow!

2010-02-05T07:43:00.000-08:00

It started snowing again early this morning and they say we should get a few inches. It looks pretty and makes me want to stay inside. I really don't mind the snow, however it makes me feel like Spring is really far away and that's not great... oh well, maybe we can actually get out sledding if it keeps snowing and that would make it worth it. Drive safely!

what the what?!

2010-02-02T20:22:00.000-08:00

so i find myself sitting in front of the t.v. watching a show i dvr'd... yes i took four seconds out of my life to tape some pretty bad shows. most of them, scratch that... all of them are "reality shows". why do i waste my time with them you ask? first of all, i think most people have spent an hour or two of their lives watching a show that they do NOT like yet you are fascinated by it and it becomes hard to change the channel, right? for instance, right now i am watching 'millionaire matchmaker' which is full of superficial money driven dating scene from l.a. gross, right? also, i tape the two hour bachelor, which god help the producer and director or whoever it is that drags that 40 minute show into two hours!! but seriously, i tape it, and fast forward almost the entire thing. for some reason i just want to see who ends up in the end, and then they will just break up, like matt always tries to inform me. do i have a small hope that they will actually 'make it' as couple? no, not really. truly i could care less... i mean i would prefer people were happy and in a healthy relationship but if they weren't meant to be then who cares?
i feel a little embarassed admitting to some of the shows i watch, and god bless matthew he would never try to rat me out regardless how much he can't even stay in the room without sighing when one of the shows is on. he was at work telling a co-worker that his wife occassionally tunes in to the bachelor and his co-worker said "what?! she watches that?! she (meaning me, i guess) is the 'cream of the crop' why does she watch that?!" so i couldn't decide if i liked being called the cream of the crop exactly just because it just made me think of corn and it was weird... but at first that's a compliment, right? then i realize ohh... but i DO watch that, so now what?
here's what... i admit to a few 'guilty pleasures' in life that i feel help keep me sane. true my husband, my family, my good friends, and nature keep me 98% sane, but for some long days full of too much reality and sometimes too much negative things... that other 2% is covered by reality shows. for you it might be chocolate, or coffee, sports, videogames, talking, whatev. i will say that unless you are hurting yourself or others i will not judge whatever you do to keep sane. because i think life is unbelievable and i am continually shocked at the beautiful things i see every other day. however there are those days that i feel a bit overwhelmed by the sadness and hate that still exists in this world, most days we just don't see it but it's there.
i hope to continue to stay positive and hopeful and i hope you do as well, because the more of us moving in a positive direction the better.

just so you know one of the 'better' reality shows that i watch... "little people, big world". it's great to see how other people live and the challenges they go through yet at the core we are all so much more similar than we are different.

A dog's life..

2010-01-29T15:23:00.000-08:00

I have been working from home 1-2 days a week and so far so good. I like the break from the office and I really like being around my favorite dogs in the world. We have two beds for them, but they tend to just share Jaxon's bed and they just keep getting cuter. ..

Can I share this with you?

2010-01-24T14:48:00.000-08:00

i know that we all come from the same place
a place full of love and free from suffering
and now we try to live every day in this illusion
confused and scared, excited and loud
hungry for money and starving for attention
we're cold and bruised, and unsure of tomorrow
clinging so tight to that ego that keeps us warm
snuggled in self doubt
wrapped in jealousy
and buried two feet under dirt
if only we could think with our hearts
our bodies calm with a peaceful mind
and breathe easy with hope
exhale enlightenment
we all come from that place full of love and free from suffering
now let's try to get closer to home...

Another game night!

2010-01-17T12:01:00.001-08:00

We hosted our 2nd game night in a week! Normally we host one every few months and definitely something around Christmas, but this year because of the snow and friends living further away, we decided to host two different nights to make it easier. Yes, we still have our Christmas stuff up, this is the longest ever, we just haven't made time for it and our christmas lights are just starting to thaw out on the porch so we'll finally be able to get those out.

We had three couples come to town and we played pictionary for the first time in years. I love having good friends over to our house, catching up and laughing. Oh did we laugh... it's so funny to see what one person's interpretation about a drawing would be... or the laughing it takes to describe the word you know what it is but can't say.... pinata!

Today we have nothing to do but pick up a few things and take down some Christmas stuff but I am left with a refreshed, good feeling about the people in our lives. We also celebrated Kestan's 2nd birthday yesterday and spent ten minutes just dancing in the living room with him to his favorite song. These kinds of weekends are my favorite and I am so very grateful for the wonderful people in my life. And for these very fun moments together...

It's all about perspective...

2010-01-14T20:06:00.000-08:00

I thought about writing a more in depth version of the perspective I have been gaining my whole life but really just clicked more recently. It is very hard for me to wrap my brain around the awful devastation that has happened to Haiti. And it was very hard for me to sit with families today discussing the importance of the smallest most insignificant details that meant nothing and I felt like the families were too self-involved to care about anything outside of their house and that was difficult for me to take. How much patience do you expect me to have when you say you want help but you really don't? My perspective; I can only help those that truly want it, and even then sometimes I can't. Also, gratitude. gratitude. gratitude. I found myself asking, how can you not be grateful? Yes, we have all gone through some things, and some have been through far worse, but everyone is figuring it out on their own and I hope that we can continue to come together for support but also for perspective, and gratitude. Regardless, here is some art work I have done and feel like it's time for a little inspiration...

I got a new camera!

2010-01-06T19:28:00.001-08:00

So, my Christmas gift arrived today, a new camera! It is cute, and little and takes great pictures. Matthew gave it to me in hopes that I can take a picture wherever I may be... I can't wait for our next road trip! Enjoy...

Snow Day!

2009-12-26T12:36:00.001-08:00

We have had an incredible Christmas week! Great celebrating at my dad's house last Saturday, then time at my mom's house on Thursday evening. We were going to celebrate with Matt's side of the family Friday night but due to the tons of snow (more like 6-7 inches) we got we decided it was better if we all stayed home and off the streets. Tonight we had planned to have a game night, and four of our good friends were even coming from out of town... however, after much and a snowy trench to the grocery store we decided it would be best if everyone stayed home and wait for another day when the streets were dry. As excited as we were for game night, I can never be sad to stay home all day long. It's cozy and fun and now we have nothing planned. We have lots of good food, plus two dogs that are pretty entertaining. So today we played in the snow and the dogs just go nuts....

Something more positive to start the break...

2009-12-23T16:46:00.000-08:00

Hey! I hope you are all on or soon to be on vacation. Let's try to get over that last too many words, slightly depressing post. Ok? The past two days at work I have had the privilege of giving!! And oh how good it feels to give. So at work, we have a very large closet, they call it a pantry, just filled with tons of food, water, shoes, clothes, hygiene items, water bottles, blankets, and so on. We can go in there at any time to give supplies to families or homeless youth. I have had two families, one current client and one past client that I have been able to pack up the van with supplies and drop off to their house. To help feed a family that can barely afford groceries, to give a brand new warm jacket to a girl in high school who doesn't have one.... very satisfying. Granted I didn't buy any of these things, just took the time to gather and deliver, it still felt very nice and I was grateful to be a part of it.

I hope we can all take time over the next few days and weeks to be grateful. To enjoy the time spent with our loved ones. And to remember what really matters, to see past the gifts and toys and to truly be present (word play- lame, I know) because you never know what tomorrow will bring. Stay warm, and Merry Christmas!!!

What a difference a day makes...

2009-12-18T15:48:00.000-08:00

So yesterday at work I attended my first town hall meeting. These take place a few times a year to keep all the employees up to date on organizational changes. This one I knew I needed to be at because since the beginning of October major things have changed with in the place I work. All of the changes had something to do with the budget. Like a lot of people and places, the economy is still affecting our every day lives. Thankfully I still have a job... for now. Due to state budget cuts that took away 10% of our annual money, leaving us a half a million dollars short on budget. Unfortunately this means that parts of our organization will be closed and some people will lose their jobs. Oddly enough we were given small holiday bonuses just last week, and they are buying a new company vehicle, and having to spend over a thousand dollars worth of supplies for the outreach team. This doesn't appear to make sense to be spending when good people are losing their jobs, their jobs that they have dedicated their time and energy too, I get most people do that, but working with some of the kids they work with is extremely challenging and the people that are really good at it are harder to find. The point is the company has certain money that has to be used on vehicles or they lose that money, a portion of funds that is untouchable unless it is used to help families pay their bills, etc. You get the point. So as hard as 2009 has been on our organization, the C.E.O says next year will only be worse. Not exactly what we wanted to hear. We can look forward to more cuts in February and possibly even more after that. The general tone of the meeting was a total downer and truly I left feeling depressed. And one of my co-workers who I have never even seen in a bad mood said she needed to go home to take a nap. We all just felt drained and in limbo. It's hard to muster up the motivation and pump up the energy when you don't know if you will have a job in a few months. Do I keep working hard to help my clients? Of course. BUT I felt sad thinking of these families that may some day not have a program like ours to turn to. We are the only program of it's kind in our area, the next closest one is three hours away.

I am very aware that working in the social services you may be helping hundreds of people and there is a clear need for your services, but if money is an issue these are the programs that usually get cut first. I could go work in an office and do something I don't care about. Wait, scratch that. I can't. I can not let myself waste away doing something I don't like. Now there are definitely long days and days I can't wait to get home and leave all the stuff at work and yesterday was one of those days. A day of uncertainty. It got me thinking about people who work in the same place for thirty years (obviously I am not one of those people, and lots of times my jobs have ended before I wanted them to due to budget cuts) but that stability must be nice. Knowing that you will have that office in six months, the same amount on the paycheck, the routine. Then again I know it would be nice to pick up and leave all of that behind, to be spontaneous, to go do something you've always wanted to do but never had the courage, the thrill of taking the leap and praying that you land somewhat soundly. I also got to thinking that none of us have any idea what tomorrow will bring and all I can do is be present with this moment. We can try to prepare and plan, of course. But for the most part I want to just be here and feel like I do pretty well with change like this and I am flexible and creative and will "figure it out". There is always another option, a plan b.

Moving on... so today I am sitting in my office and my boss (well, old supervisor, technically he is my co-worker now because his position was cut, kinda odd, new adjustment) he comes over to me and my co-worker and says "Who wants to make someone's Christmas?!" And I immediately said "I do!".... "let's go.." So we left and went to Wal-Mart where we were going to go shopping. He began to tell me about the funds we still have left over and have the option to help those in need. This woman just recently left a domestic abuse situation with her six year old son and they have barely been living in a hotel for the past few days. She contacted our services and is now getting help. Everyone pulled together immediately, I think part because of the holiday and part because everyone has been feeling a little down about the future of our organization and to be handed a perfectly good candidate to help -you just jump at the chance to do so. The woman had nothing. She has tried desperately to keep her son at his school and he eats lunch at school and that's about it. They have no resoureces or support, until now. They were provided with tons of blankets, clothes, shoes and even games. While we were at Wal-Mart we bought $200 worth of groceries. It was very satisfying being a part of the whole process, and also very fun shopping for someone else. I had a chance to hand deliver the items to the woman at her not so nice motel she is currently at, however within the next few days she will be moved to a better, safer location thanks to our organizations funds. Also the woman is ten weeks pregnant.

This may sound like a totally depressing situation, which it was and they will have a rough road ahead of them. But the fact that this woman was courageous enough to leave her abusive partner with NOTHING and deal with the fact that she will have to accept help from others if she wants to better her situation for her and her kids. I truly believe this family has a better chance at life once they reached out for help and help was given. It's incredible helping someone who you know is going to do something good with that help. So many women stay in abusive relationships because they don't know what they will do next, but there are options, there is help if you look hard enough and more importantly it is SO worth it.

It was a good reminder to me that that is what it is about, helping one person at a time. Also gaining a little more perspective on what some people are struggling with. And praying that our organization and others out there have the chance to thrive in order to serve those that need it.

So whether I am at this particular job for the next two months or the next two years, who the heck knows. But I do know that in my next job I hope to continue to help those that want it and I hope this experience only furthers my passion for working with young people.

Quick trip to Iowa

2009-12-13T18:13:00.000-08:00

Hey there... Matthew and I drove to a tiny town in Iowa to see his Grandma. We spent one day getting there, taking our time, exploring small towns, having a great time. We drive right through Amish country and saw several buggies on this trip.
At Grandma's our niece Ainsley wanted to have a tea party and the boys nicely joined in.
We stopped by this Apple Orchard... one Matt has driven by dozens of time but never actually stopped. We thought 11 a.m. on a Sunday was as good of time as any.
It was a very cute barn, with a shop attached, and lots of space for goats and some lamas. We bought some banana nut bread for Grandma and rhubarb jam for me, in honor of my Grandma Sugar. She always had huge rhubarb plants growing in her backyard in Iowa and she would make sauce and put it on vanilla ice cream. I knew we had vanilla ice cream waiting for us at home so I thought it was time to try it again.
There is a family favorite pizza place in town but we thought we would branch out a bit and ended up going to a cute Mexican restaurant, good food, and a cute little doggy bag to take back to the hotel full of leftovers.
We drove down town to the park that runs along side the Mississipi river. They have a pretty nice sized park full of objects, art work, and toy trains covered in lights (the picture doesn't do it justice).
On this drive I love looking at every thing through the small towns and all the barns I find to be very unique. Some are depressing as you can tell they have just been left alone and on the verge of falling over, but I thought these two were cool lookin.
The week before Iowa had gotten a lot of snow, but thankfully our drive was relatively sunny and dry. This semi must have slide off the road a few days before, we couldn't believe that it hadn't tipped on it's side.

It was a quick, fun, nice trip and I am very glad we made the trip.

Married!

2009-12-02T17:25:00.001-08:00

=

Too many awesome wedding pictures to put up here... but can we just show you two? We are very pleased with how our pictures turned out.... and have yet to figure out exactly how we want to keep them (around the house, photo album, dvd, etc.) Married life is even better than engaged life. Hope you all are enjoying this holiday season and thank you for sharing in our excitement!!

Little kids

2009-11-26T20:16:00.001-08:00

We had a really great Thanksgiving. We spent most of the day at the Weiss' eating, hanging out, chillin with the niece and nephews and relaxing. Good food, great company, very nice. Then we came home and layed around for a few more hours enjoying some of The Office and Home Alone again (which is on all the time now), I even let out a tiny laugh at a part that I have seen a million times and in my food coma state I thought deserved a tired funny response.

This picture is actually from Halloween. My mom and I joined my sister and her adorable family to the petting zoo where little man Kestan was dressed head to toe as a cow. He had these little mittens that you had to struggle to find tiny fingers as he reached up for your hand to walk along side him. This kid is beyond cute, and like we all are in love with our niece and nephews, cousins, kids and grandkids... I of course think my nephew just so happens to be one of the cutest kids around, and that's that.

So Kes has began to LOVE uncle Matt... he just thinks he's the coolest, which is great. Anytime my sister says "Lindsay's coming over.." or "it's Lindsay!" Kestan's first response back is "Matt!! Matt!" We got a voice mail today from Kes saying over and over again "Hi Matt... ejghj eidh Matt, Hi Matt... eidjha wj wu Linly Hi Linly.. Matt! Matt Hi Matt!" You get the picture :) So pretty much any voice mail from an almost two year old that goes like that, is pretty great. And I know being an aunt is way easier and less tiring than being a mom or even a grandma for that matter... but as exhausting and life changing little ones can be.. at least they are so dang cute, that helps, right? :)

It's the most wonderful time...

2009-11-21T13:04:00.000-08:00

Hello there. I woke up early with the dogs and then have taken the afternoon to be lazy. I have to remind myself that we have absolutely nothing planned the rest of the day and I really love that feeling. Matt set up our wifi at home because soon I will be working from home! It will be an adjustment but I am pretty excited about it. Work provided us with lap tops and soon cell phones to keep up with our clients. Working from home actually saves our organization money and let's us have more flexibility and thankfully keep our jobs at least for the next year that is. I definitely still have a long day at work every once in a while but I have truly enjoyed all of experiences (even the not so pleasant ones) with kids and their families because I know I am gaining alot from each encounter. So I find myself cozy and at home, currently on my lap top on the couch while Home Alone plays in the background, and a meal cooking in the crock pot. I love this time of year when all the good holiday movies come on. I have added a few to the list over the years but for the most part my favorites are the ones I've been watching for years.

Thanksgiving; Planes, trains and automobiles. If you have not see it, please rent it. Classic Steve Martin and John Candy. Love it.

Christmas; Scrooged -Bill Murray, maybe not so traditional but hilarious and sweet. Definitely How the Grinch stole Christmas (the cartoon). Home for the Holidays -Robert Downy Jr. and Holly Hunter, dysfunctional family makes for a great comedy. Another family with a lot going on but still the underlying idea is about love; Family Stone.

I am not a big candy eater, I like gum and reesee's peant butter cups, but around this time of year I love candy canes, plain. simple. peppermint candy canes. The grocery store by our house had fifteen kinds but no peppermint, thankfully Target had some :)

I put up our christmas lights on our porch and windows for the outside and love them. I don't want to rush and get a tree but when we do get it I know I will love decorating it, especially since my wonderful aunt Tracy hand made us a beautiful tree skirt for our wedding present, it's going to look great under our tree!

And if you've ever been around me during christmas you already know this but; my abosolute favorite christmas music is by the Carpenters and Amy Grant and then I like the really old stuff by Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole, all the stuff my grandma likes to hum along to.. warms my heart as she would say.

I hope you are all having a chance to enjoy your traditions, start new ones or whatever it is you chose to do...